Rite Aid Ruckus

Braddock News - Rite Aid Ruckus

Braddock, TX -- Customers at the Elm Street Rite Aid in Braddock got quite a show on Saturday afternoon. Sheriff's deputies called to the store found two crimes in progress.

Krystal Gayle Johnson, a clerk at the store, said it all started when a tattooed, bearded man approached the counter attempting to purchase decongestants containing pseudoephedrine, a common ingredient in methamphetamine. Clerks are required by law to record the name, address, and driver's license number of all customers purchasing pseudoephedrine. Purchase quantities are limited. The customer gave his name as Joseph Paul Paynter. When Johnson looked him up in the computer, the name was flagged as having recently made purchases of the substance in drugstores all over Braddock and neighboring counties. "Paynter" had made purchases as far away as Ft. Worth and had vastly exceeded his limit. Johnson told reporters, "the computer tells us if they are in the watch zone, and automatically sends a report to the police that they guy is here trying to buy Sudafed. In this guy's case, the computer came up with some message I've never seen before. It said, "Authorities are on their way. Stall customer - do NOT let him leave. I guess he was way over his limit."

Johnson told "Paynter" that the store was having computer troubles and it was taking longer to go through. She says "he was acting nervous and shaking all over like he had the DTs. He looked like he was flipping out, so I tried to calm him down by admiring his tattoos. That made it worse."

Johnson reports that the man started screaming at her to hand him the drugs, and "when I didn't, he jumped over the counter and started shoving everything in sight into a bag. He stole Sudafeds and condoms and Viagara and cigarettes and pregnancy tests and Crest Whitestrips - just everything that we have to keep behind the counter. The only thing he didn't take was the cash register money. Then he ran out to a big ol' truck that was idling by the door."

The man escaped into an oversized pickup that witnesses claimed was driven by WNWA superstar Dale Taylor. Store cameras caught the whole thing on tape, and the thief has been identified as Carl Reubens (who wrestles as Yeti), a cousin of Joseph Paul Paynter (who wrestles as The Liberal Librarian). The Sheriff's Department reports that Reubens had long since exceeded his limit of pseudoephedrine purchases, and had been posing as his cousin in order to buy more. Sheriff Fenton Washburn said Reubens had also exceeded the limit Paynter could buy.

Both men apparently look very similar, except that Yeti is covered with tattoos. Johnson reports, "I am into tats. He had a really cool one on his neck that was a picture of Dick Cheney holding a rifle with the words "MY HERO" in big letters. When I told him I thought Dick Cheney was sexy, he just lost it and jumped over the counter and started stealing things and screaming about Republicans."

By the time police arrived, Reubens and his accomplice had escaped. Captain Redneck was using the pay phone out in the parking lot, and he shouted to deputies that there was a black man in the store trying to steal things. Deputies searched the lone African American customer, and found him to be in possession of stolen goods.

Rev. Dr. Curtis Lowe was exiting the store at the time, and deputies approached him and demanded that he give up the pseudoephedrine. Deputies report that Lowe acted like he had no idea what they were talking about, and appeared to be drunk. When forced to empty his pockets, deputies found Lowe in possession of several stolen items: two cases of orange soda, a box of Moon Pies, a Snickers bar, several packages of gum, and a "Captain Redneck and Friends" comic book.

Lowe was arrested for theft and taken to the Braddock County Prison Farm. Both Reubens and Paynter remain wanted by Braddock County Sheriff's Deputies for possible drug charges. A spokesman for the department stated that they believe Reubens and Paynter may be working together to manufacture and distribute methamphetamine in Braddock.

Other customers in the store at the time report that the whole shopping experience was a nightmare. Karma McCarthy said, "I just came in for some toenail fungus cream. I didn't see what went on, just heard a bunch of shouting. That black guy asked me for a date, and while I was turning him down, somebody started shouting and then the police were here. It was crazy."