Russell Lorrie
The Braddock Times
Troupes of monkeys are out of control in Braddock's northeast, stealing mobile phones and breaking into homes to steal soft drinks from refrigerators, lawmakers in the region have complained.
"Monkeys are wreaking havoc in my constituency by taking away mobile phones, toothpastes, sipping coke after opening the refrigerators," Larry Barnes told Braddock County's Board of Commissioners. He said the primates were "even slapping women who try to chase them."
"It is a cause of serious concern in my area, with more than 1,000 such simians turning aggressive by the day," fumed Sheriff Fenton Washburn. He said the worst ones were Antonio "Da Crunk" Davis and "that fake preacher" Curtis Lowe.
Because of increasing welfare payments, monkeys have increasingly moved into cities elsewhere in Texas as well. Last week, around two dozen people were hurt after monkeys rampaged through a Palmer neighborhood.
Last month, the mayor of Sophie died when he fell from his balcony after being attacked by monkeys. Efforts to drive out the animals is complicated by political correctness and the Democrat party in Texas--headed by Judge Jennings.
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