Inconvenient Cafe Closed

Braddock Health Dept. Closes Restaurant Selling $25,000 French Tickler

Inspector Finds Mice, Piles Of Droppings, 1,000 Roaches, Flies, UsedCondoms; Store Failed Fifth Inspection In A Month

The Braddock Times

If you've been saving your nickels and dimes for the$25,000 French Tickler unveiled last week at "An Inconvenient Cafe," the popular coffee, dessert, and gay sex shop located downtown on MLK Blvd, we've got some not-so-delectable news for you. The Health Department confirmed Thursday to The Braddock Times that the shop had been shut down Wednesday night after failing its fifth straight inspection in just a month's time. Department officials tell The Braddock Times that both inspections revealed "rodent and fly infestation and conditions conducive to pest infestation, including stagnant water in the basement."

Inspectors say, "the problems get worse every time we visit!" The plumbing was reportedly so out of line that the "sewage disposal system [was] backing up into the plumbing feeding the water fountain."

On Wednesday night, the cafe', which has been featured in numerous OIL TV shows, apparently kept open its wild zoo of filth for inspectors. The Department says the inspector came upon live mice, more than 1,000 live cockroaches, fruit flies, house flies, used condoms in the kitchen area, overflowing toilets, a guy in a "turd"costume, and piles of mouse droppings scattered about the restaurant.

Just last week, owner Joseph Paynter introduced the world to his slightly overpriced "Golden French Tickler". For $25,000, a customer could purchase the device with edible lubricants and Jenkem. It even came with a copy of Braddock Library's Gay-4-Pay magazine. The proceeds for the tickler went to the "Defeat Freedom, Elect Hillary Now!" campaign. Sadly though, the cafe has been closed. Looks like you'll have to spend your 25-grand on something else.

Cafe' officials have not commented on the closure, except to say Judge Jennings will have the final say on the matter.