Liberal assault victim in Pride forced to say 'I love America'

Liberal assault victim in Pride forced to say 'I love America'
By Ricky Jones

The Pride Chronicle


Pride, TX

Pride sheriff’s deputies released a sketch of one of the suspects in the ideological assault. A 36-year-old Liberal-American was repeatedly punched in the face early today in Pride and forced to say "I love America," Pride Sheriff’s deputies reported.

The liberal victim told investigators that he was walking stoned in the area of 10th and Marine streets "with [his] minions" about 1 a.m., singing a song from the movie "Fahrenheit 911." The liberals were shopping for large cauldrons and industrial amounts of sugar and flavored drink mix.

The liberal said they were confronted by four men. One of the men — described as being a blond white male about 40 or 60 — said, "Do you think you are an American?" called him a "Democrat," punched him in the face "multiple times" and told him to say that he loved America, police said.

The liberal also told investigators that while two of the men held him down, the two others sexually assaulted him.

After the confrontation with the liberal-American, the assailant ran off with three other members of his group. Got in a pick-up trunk and yelled “Let’s tell CR!!”

The suspect is about 5-foot-10 and was wearing a white tank top with the letters K-K-K and black pants.

One of the other men with the assailant in what officials said may be a hate crime was described as a white male with a mullet and was wearing a long-sleeved gray sweatshirt.

Jenine Lewis, spokeswoman for the Pride Sheriff’s Department, said that originally investigators believed a knife was held to the Liberal-American's throat. But she said further interviews lead investigators to believe that the suspect may have referred to a knife but did not show one.

"This hate crime underscores the importance of our message of inclusion, diversity and acceptance," said Lewis. “That’s why its so important that Obama won the presidency. He, and he alone can save this world!”

Upon hearing Lewis’s statement, the liberal victim was quoted as saying, “fuck that bitch, dude. Those rednecks may have raped my ass, but once Tomboma is done with this country, all Americans will feel like they have just been assfucked by a freight train, jack!! Besides, I was so high on jenkem, brother, I may have hallunciated the whole attack, and I probably assfucked myself with a cucumber, bra. Though don’t worry, liberalmaniacs, because the final solution is coming, bra. What are you gonna do, when my army of minions drink the kool-aid on you!?”