Joseph Paynter investigated for opposing Obama

Pride, TX
The Pride Post has learned that a special prosecutor has interviewed Tony Fanuci about his dealings with Joseph Paynter, AKA The Liberal Librarian. Paynter is being investigated for his
opposition to Barack Hussein Obama.

Tony:
Da Lib? My masta, da Liberal Librarian was a pimp. A bagman in Braddock foy da Democrat Party. He used to run Jenkem to Hillary befoy she was humiliated by Obama. Shit - we almost had dat election. Den we focused too oyly on da Presidency, den we had to flip alliances.
Everybody's flipping sides all da time. It's fun 'n' games, man fun 'n' games.

Police Investigator:
What about da Democrat Party, Tony? How do they figure in this?

TONY:
Dey're Libtwn, too. Don't you get it? Da Democrat Party and my Masta together. Trying to whack out Consoyvatism. Mutual interests. Dey been doing it for years. Dere's more to dis dan you dream. Democrats fucking hates da blacks. Da Liberal Librarian's got something to do
with it too. Check out "Judge Jennings" in Miami. Jonathan Oliver Blair, Coynel Parker, da managa of Elvis. Capt. Redneck, I hear, was a Dallas cop - da bagman at da Lib's Inconvenient Cafe. I heard he shot his own partner. Got dat? Check out da rich fucks in Dallas. J. R. Ewing. He's dirty. Dat's all I know. But da Democrat Party always runs da show. Check out something called "Elephant" Operation Elephant. Government, Pentagon stuff, dey're in charge, but who da fuck pulls whose chain who da fuck knows, fun 'n' games man - check out Southeast
Texas - dat's da next big number - da Jenkem trail. "Oh, what a deadly web we weave when we practice to deceive."

Investigator:
Then who caused the Liberal Librarian to lose the WNWA title?

TONY: (Choking and coughing on a cigarette and nervously pacing)
Oh man, why don't you stop? Dis is too fuckin' big for your ass! Who caused my Liberal Masta to lose? It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma. Even da bookers don't fuckin' know! Don't you get it yet? I can't be talking like dis. Dey're gonna kill my ass. I'm gonna die!
(Tony Fanuci sits down, farting, sobbing) I don't know what happened. All I wanted in da whole fuckin' woyld was to be a Catholic priest -live in a monastery, study ancient Latin manuscripts, pray, serve God. But I had dis one terrible, fatal weakness. I worshiped a weird Liberal as da new Messiah. And fowa dis crap dey defrocked my ass. And den I started to lose everyting.