Decked out in his robes, Frustrated Inc., and WNWA World Champion, theLiberal Librarian stands and addresses his henchmen.
[Lib:] Hillary screwed my ass dude, but as they say, brother, life goes on. A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms...Enthusiasms...What are mine?What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy?
[Da Crunk]: Hos?
[Rev. Curtis]: Likka?
[Lib]: Baseball! A man stands alone at the plate, jack! This is the time for what? Brother, What?For individual achievement. There he stands alone, dude. But in the field, what? Part of a team, you fucking idiots. Teamwork. Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big fuckin' team, dude. Bats himself the live-long day, Barry Bonds, Ramirez Cesar Chavez, and so on. If his team don't field...what is he? You follow me? He's no one, just a conservative Republican asshole, brother. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself, jack.But... I get nowhere unless the team wins. So you assholes better take care of Capt. Redneck and his cronies at UnCivil War, brothers!!! Whatcha gonna do...?
[Joanie Saulright]: Team. Team.
[The Lib begins to bludgeon Joanie with the bat. Everyone around looks nervous. Kelly Millis soils himself and Fanuci sits in a brown puddle. The Turd looks aroused.]
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Kangaroo Court in Libtown: The Trial of Mud Monkey
JUDGE JENNINGS: Plaintiff, Tony Fanuci the document I have here is that you are filing a lawsuit against Mud Monkey for all the abuse that he has “given [your] ass”. Is that correct?
FANUCI: Soytenly.
JUDGE JENNINGS: What has he done to you? Is there any proof?
FANUCI: [Lifts up his “bed sheet” shirt exposing his enormous man tits and proclaims] I got da proof right here. Look at my nipples!! Dey look like hamboiga.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Your out of order. Bailiff!! [THE BAILIFF, DA CRUNK STRUTS OVER TO FANUCI, PINCHES HIS NIPPLES, TWISTS, THEN SNAPS HIS FINGERS]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!! Yeah dat’s what Mud did. Dat fuckin monkey pinched dem, helt dem, and..pullt dem..as far as he could. Then he twisted and toyned dem. Den he snapped his fingas!! Afta dis, da Revoind Coitis often screamed out : “Dat's da TWIN NIPPLE ATTACK!!" DA DOITY BASTID!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: Don’t talk about the Defendant’s legal counsel.
FANUCI: But it’s true.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Bailiff!![THE BAILIFF, DA CRUNK STRUTS OVER TO FANUCI, PINCHES HIS NIPPLES, TWISTS, THEN SNAPS HIS FINGERS]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: Now stick with the case!
FANUCI: As I was saying…Unfortunately, dis was not da only incy-dent. Da nipple torcha by dat evil, poyvoited monkey was a common occoyance. It happened 6 or 7 times on a light day. Most of da time it was much mowa dan dat!! On top of that, I was toychad in other ways by Mud’s friends, most notably da Toid.
CURTIS LOWE [Mud’s lawyer]: I reject!! [Mud walks over to Fanuci, pinches his nipples, twists, then snaps his fingers]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: I cannot allow that Reverend Doctor Bishop Lowe. Control your monkey. I am in charge of this court. Bailiff!!
[THE BAILIFF, DA CRUNK STRUTS OVER TO FANUCI, PINCHES HIS NIPPLES, TWISTS, THEN SNAPS HIS FINGERS]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!!
CURTIS: I is sorry juge. I let Shitifa gib yo’ ass a free handjob tonite after you let Mud off.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Really? Thanks!! See you both later. Now let’s get this over with so I can get my handjob. Mr. FANUCI, you've stated that you were tortured. Can you give us an example?
FANUCI, ON WITNESS STAND: Soytenly! I was beaten; repeatedly deprived of sleep. I was foyced to wear a hood over my head, and a minicha cape on my weena… I even had a cork in my ass…sometimes for days. I was sexually humiliated.
JUDGE JENNINGS: How so?
FANUCI: I'd rather not go into it.
JUDGE JENNINGS: You're out of order. Bailiff!
[The bailiff, Da Crunk Fanuci, grabs Fanuci and holds him. A drunk Curtis staggers to Fanuci and nails Fanuci with his empty liquor bottle, shattering it on his head. Fanuci is out cold.]
JUDGE JENNINGS: Court is in recess for lunch or when this fat fuck wakes up. BAILIFF!!
DA CRUNK: Eberybody stand yo ass up fo’ da juge.
[Some time later…]FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!! Where am I?
JUDGE JENNINGS: We’ve been waiting for you to wake your fat ass up for 3 hours now. Will you answer the question on how you were sexually humiliated or shall I find you in contempt?
FANUCI: I’ll talk!! Yeah. They showa abused my ass in a sexual manner. Da poyvoits. I was foyced to lie in a fetal position, my eyes and my mout' duct taped. Da woyst part is not dat I felt it was forever.
JUDGE JENNINGS: What was the woyst,… I mean worst part?
FANUCI: I was foyced to eat “ass smoothies” every fuckin day. Dat was da Toid’s favorite dish. He even made it with cherries and whipped cream. He said it was consolation for all da ass-whippins Mud gave me. If I didn’t eat it, he would beat my ass, den foyce me to eat it and I had to tell him how good dat doo dooo jelly was. What kind of shit is dat??
JUDGE JENNINGS: I’ve heard enough. Fanuci you’re a disgrace. A total fat fucking failure. What a disgrace to the Fanuci name. Your ancestors spit upon you.
[Pam Fanuci walks up to Fanuci, slaps him and spits on him. Everybody in the courtroom laughs.]
JUDGE JENNINGS: Ha, ha, ha..ha… a haa…. Mrs. Fanuci you sure are funny. Perhaps you will let us watch you, Curtis and Da Crunk have a DP fest. Tony Fanuci. I sentence you to one whole month of indentured servitude to Mud.
FANUCI: Wait a minute!!! I was not da one on trial. It was dat fuckin' monkey.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Bailiff!! [Da Crunk runs up to Fanuci and kicks him in the nuts. Fanuci falls over in pain. Da Crunk climbs on top of the bench and nails Fanuci with the “Cut a Y”. Fanuci is out cold. Judge Jennings stands over Fanuci and gives the fallen wrestler the “Dirty Sanchez”. The Turd walks up next to the Judge and plays the trumpet. While the visibly aroused Mud, Letravis, and David Downs start humping Fanuci’s prone carcass.]
The Lib is sitting in the back of the courtroom watching in a heavy, drug induced daze through his sunglasses.
FANUCI: Soytenly.
JUDGE JENNINGS: What has he done to you? Is there any proof?
FANUCI: [Lifts up his “bed sheet” shirt exposing his enormous man tits and proclaims] I got da proof right here. Look at my nipples!! Dey look like hamboiga.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Your out of order. Bailiff!! [THE BAILIFF, DA CRUNK STRUTS OVER TO FANUCI, PINCHES HIS NIPPLES, TWISTS, THEN SNAPS HIS FINGERS]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!! Yeah dat’s what Mud did. Dat fuckin monkey pinched dem, helt dem, and..pullt dem..as far as he could. Then he twisted and toyned dem. Den he snapped his fingas!! Afta dis, da Revoind Coitis often screamed out : “Dat's da TWIN NIPPLE ATTACK!!" DA DOITY BASTID!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: Don’t talk about the Defendant’s legal counsel.
FANUCI: But it’s true.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Bailiff!![THE BAILIFF, DA CRUNK STRUTS OVER TO FANUCI, PINCHES HIS NIPPLES, TWISTS, THEN SNAPS HIS FINGERS]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: Now stick with the case!
FANUCI: As I was saying…Unfortunately, dis was not da only incy-dent. Da nipple torcha by dat evil, poyvoited monkey was a common occoyance. It happened 6 or 7 times on a light day. Most of da time it was much mowa dan dat!! On top of that, I was toychad in other ways by Mud’s friends, most notably da Toid.
CURTIS LOWE [Mud’s lawyer]: I reject!! [Mud walks over to Fanuci, pinches his nipples, twists, then snaps his fingers]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: I cannot allow that Reverend Doctor Bishop Lowe. Control your monkey. I am in charge of this court. Bailiff!!
[THE BAILIFF, DA CRUNK STRUTS OVER TO FANUCI, PINCHES HIS NIPPLES, TWISTS, THEN SNAPS HIS FINGERS]
FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!!
CURTIS: I is sorry juge. I let Shitifa gib yo’ ass a free handjob tonite after you let Mud off.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Really? Thanks!! See you both later. Now let’s get this over with so I can get my handjob. Mr. FANUCI, you've stated that you were tortured. Can you give us an example?
FANUCI, ON WITNESS STAND: Soytenly! I was beaten; repeatedly deprived of sleep. I was foyced to wear a hood over my head, and a minicha cape on my weena… I even had a cork in my ass…sometimes for days. I was sexually humiliated.
JUDGE JENNINGS: How so?
FANUCI: I'd rather not go into it.
JUDGE JENNINGS: You're out of order. Bailiff!
[The bailiff, Da Crunk Fanuci, grabs Fanuci and holds him. A drunk Curtis staggers to Fanuci and nails Fanuci with his empty liquor bottle, shattering it on his head. Fanuci is out cold.]
JUDGE JENNINGS: Court is in recess for lunch or when this fat fuck wakes up. BAILIFF!!
DA CRUNK: Eberybody stand yo ass up fo’ da juge.
[Some time later…]FANUCI: AWWW!!!!!! Where am I?
JUDGE JENNINGS: We’ve been waiting for you to wake your fat ass up for 3 hours now. Will you answer the question on how you were sexually humiliated or shall I find you in contempt?
FANUCI: I’ll talk!! Yeah. They showa abused my ass in a sexual manner. Da poyvoits. I was foyced to lie in a fetal position, my eyes and my mout' duct taped. Da woyst part is not dat I felt it was forever.
JUDGE JENNINGS: What was the woyst,… I mean worst part?
FANUCI: I was foyced to eat “ass smoothies” every fuckin day. Dat was da Toid’s favorite dish. He even made it with cherries and whipped cream. He said it was consolation for all da ass-whippins Mud gave me. If I didn’t eat it, he would beat my ass, den foyce me to eat it and I had to tell him how good dat doo dooo jelly was. What kind of shit is dat??
JUDGE JENNINGS: I’ve heard enough. Fanuci you’re a disgrace. A total fat fucking failure. What a disgrace to the Fanuci name. Your ancestors spit upon you.
[Pam Fanuci walks up to Fanuci, slaps him and spits on him. Everybody in the courtroom laughs.]
JUDGE JENNINGS: Ha, ha, ha..ha… a haa…. Mrs. Fanuci you sure are funny. Perhaps you will let us watch you, Curtis and Da Crunk have a DP fest. Tony Fanuci. I sentence you to one whole month of indentured servitude to Mud.
FANUCI: Wait a minute!!! I was not da one on trial. It was dat fuckin' monkey.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Bailiff!! [Da Crunk runs up to Fanuci and kicks him in the nuts. Fanuci falls over in pain. Da Crunk climbs on top of the bench and nails Fanuci with the “Cut a Y”. Fanuci is out cold. Judge Jennings stands over Fanuci and gives the fallen wrestler the “Dirty Sanchez”. The Turd walks up next to the Judge and plays the trumpet. While the visibly aroused Mud, Letravis, and David Downs start humping Fanuci’s prone carcass.]
The Lib is sitting in the back of the courtroom watching in a heavy, drug induced daze through his sunglasses.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Judge posted sexually explicit material on his Website
One of the highest-ranking federal judges in the United States, who is currently in hiding in a separatist enclave after his arrest for posting nude photos of an underage female on his MySpace page, has maintained his own publicly accessible website featuring sexually explicit photos and videos. William J. Jennings, chief judge of the U.S. 5th Circuit Court of Appeals (and formerly of the 9th Circuit), acknowledged in an interview with The Pride Post that he had posted the materials, which included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man in a "turd" costume cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. Some of the material was inappropriate, he conceded, although he defended other sexually explicit content as "funny."
Jennings, 77, said that he thought the site was for his private storage and that he was not aware the images could be seen by the public, although he also said he had shared some material on the site with friends. After the interview Tuesday evening, he blocked public access to the site. After details about the website were published on pridepost.com this morning, the judge offered to entertain motions to recuse himself from the upcoming obscenity trial of Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe, who is accused of distributing criminally obscene sexual fetish videos depicting bestiality and defecation through his church's Website and mail order service.
Stephen Gillers, a New York University law professor who specializes in legal ethics, told The Post that Jennings should recuse himself from the Lowe case because "the public can reasonably question his objectivity" concerning the issues at hand. Gillers, who has known Jennings for years and called him "a treasure of the federal judiciary," said he took the judge at his word that he did not know the site was publicly available. But he said Jennings was "seriously negligent" in allowing it to be discovered."The phrase 'sober as a judge' resonates with the American public," Gillers said. "We don't want them to reveal their private selves publicly. This is going to upset a lot of people."Gillers said the disclosure would be humiliating for Jennings and would "harm his reputation in many quarters," but that the controversy should die there. He added, however, that if the public concludes the website was intended for the sharing of pornographic material, "that's a transgression of another order."
"It would be very hard for him to come back from that," he said. Jennings said he would delete some material from his site, including the photo depicting women as cows, which he said was "degrading . . . and just gross." He also said he planned to get rid of a graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.
Jennings said he must have accidentally uploaded those images to his server while intending to upload something else. "I would not keep those files intentionally," he said. The judge pointed out that he never used appeals court computers to maintain the site.
The sexually explicit material on Jenning's site earlier this week was extensive, including images of masturbation (of himself and others, particularly involving a very obese male in a wheelbarrow), public sex and contortionist sex. There was a slide show striptease featuring a transsexual, and a folder that contained a series of photos of women's crotches as seen through snug fitting clothing or underwear. There were also themes of defecation and urination, though they are not presented in a sexual context.
Jennings, who was named chief judge of the 5th Circuit last year, is considered an activist judicial liberal on most issues. He was appointed to the federal bench by then-President Jimmy Carter in 1977. He has a national reputation for a brilliant legal mind and has developed a reputation as a champion of the First Amendment right to freedom of speech and expression and an ardent foe of Second Amendment issues. Several years ago, for example, after learning that appeals court administrators had placed filters on computers that denied access to pornography and other materials, Jennings led a successful effort to have the filters removed.
The judge said it was strictly by chance that he wound up presiding over the Lowe trial in U.S. District Court in Dallas. Appeals court judges occasionally hear criminal cases when they have free time on their calendars and the Lowe case was one of two he was given, the judge said.
Jennings said he didn't think any of the material he posted on his website would qualify as obscene. "Is it prurient? I don't know what to tell you," he said. "I think it's odd and interesting. It's part of life." Before the site was taken down, visitors to http://judgejennings.com/ were greeted with the message: "Ain't nothin' here. Y'all best be movin' on, compadre."
Only those who knew to type in the name of a subdirectory could see the content on the site, which also included some of Jenning's essays and legal writings as well as music files and personal photos.
The judge said he began saving the sexually explicit materials and other items of interest years ago. "People send me stuff like this all the time," he said. He keeps the things he finds interesting or funny with the thought that he might later pass them on to friends, he said.
Jennings, 77, said that he thought the site was for his private storage and that he was not aware the images could be seen by the public, although he also said he had shared some material on the site with friends. After the interview Tuesday evening, he blocked public access to the site. After details about the website were published on pridepost.com this morning, the judge offered to entertain motions to recuse himself from the upcoming obscenity trial of Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe, who is accused of distributing criminally obscene sexual fetish videos depicting bestiality and defecation through his church's Website and mail order service.
Stephen Gillers, a New York University law professor who specializes in legal ethics, told The Post that Jennings should recuse himself from the Lowe case because "the public can reasonably question his objectivity" concerning the issues at hand. Gillers, who has known Jennings for years and called him "a treasure of the federal judiciary," said he took the judge at his word that he did not know the site was publicly available. But he said Jennings was "seriously negligent" in allowing it to be discovered."The phrase 'sober as a judge' resonates with the American public," Gillers said. "We don't want them to reveal their private selves publicly. This is going to upset a lot of people."Gillers said the disclosure would be humiliating for Jennings and would "harm his reputation in many quarters," but that the controversy should die there. He added, however, that if the public concludes the website was intended for the sharing of pornographic material, "that's a transgression of another order."
"It would be very hard for him to come back from that," he said. Jennings said he would delete some material from his site, including the photo depicting women as cows, which he said was "degrading . . . and just gross." He also said he planned to get rid of a graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.
Jennings said he must have accidentally uploaded those images to his server while intending to upload something else. "I would not keep those files intentionally," he said. The judge pointed out that he never used appeals court computers to maintain the site.
The sexually explicit material on Jenning's site earlier this week was extensive, including images of masturbation (of himself and others, particularly involving a very obese male in a wheelbarrow), public sex and contortionist sex. There was a slide show striptease featuring a transsexual, and a folder that contained a series of photos of women's crotches as seen through snug fitting clothing or underwear. There were also themes of defecation and urination, though they are not presented in a sexual context.
Jennings, who was named chief judge of the 5th Circuit last year, is considered an activist judicial liberal on most issues. He was appointed to the federal bench by then-President Jimmy Carter in 1977. He has a national reputation for a brilliant legal mind and has developed a reputation as a champion of the First Amendment right to freedom of speech and expression and an ardent foe of Second Amendment issues. Several years ago, for example, after learning that appeals court administrators had placed filters on computers that denied access to pornography and other materials, Jennings led a successful effort to have the filters removed.
The judge said it was strictly by chance that he wound up presiding over the Lowe trial in U.S. District Court in Dallas. Appeals court judges occasionally hear criminal cases when they have free time on their calendars and the Lowe case was one of two he was given, the judge said.
Jennings said he didn't think any of the material he posted on his website would qualify as obscene. "Is it prurient? I don't know what to tell you," he said. "I think it's odd and interesting. It's part of life." Before the site was taken down, visitors to http://judgejennings.com/ were greeted with the message: "Ain't nothin' here. Y'all best be movin' on, compadre."
Only those who knew to type in the name of a subdirectory could see the content on the site, which also included some of Jenning's essays and legal writings as well as music files and personal photos.
The judge said he began saving the sexually explicit materials and other items of interest years ago. "People send me stuff like this all the time," he said. He keeps the things he finds interesting or funny with the thought that he might later pass them on to friends, he said.
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Three Idiots of Libtown
The members of Frustrated Inc check out their new digs in "Lib Town."
The trio of Tony Fanuci, Kelly "The Fruit" Millis, and Judge Jennings (better known as the 3 Idiots) are ordered to paint the Liberal Librarian's office.
The Turd who is overseeing the job exits into a private office as the 3 Idiots enter from the front door: JUDGE JENNINGS carries a tool box. TONY FANUCI carries a huge gut.
KELLY MILLIS: (In his effete, ghey voice) Looks like there's nobody here, fine sirs.
JUDGE JENNINGS: This is the place all right.
TONY FANUCI: Maybe I got the--
(TONY FANUCI turns to look around and SMASHES the glass of the front door with his gut.)
KELLY MILLIS: You water-head! Why don't you look what you're doing, kind sir?
TONY FANUCI: I couldn't help it. I was lookin' around to see if there's anybody in the office and when I toined--(TONY FANUCI turns and SMASHES a glass water cooler with his gut.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Look what you did! You ass fuck!!
TONY FANUCI: What?!
(TONY FANUCI turns to look at the smashed water cooler and his gut swings around and POPS JUDGE JENNINGS in the face.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Oh!
(JUDGE JENNINGS clutches his eye in pain. He advances on TONY FANUCI.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Why don't you be careful?
(JUDGE JENNINGS pokes TONY FANUCI in the eye.)
KELLY MILLIS: Move your gut before you hurt somebody.
(TONY FANUCI moves away but drops a bucket of paint on JUDGE JENNINGS's nuts. JUDGE JENNINGS clutches his nuts in pain.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Remind me to tear out your asshole.
TONY FANUCI: I'll make a note of it.
(As TONY FANUCI reaches into his pocket, THE TURD returns and sees the mess they've made. TONY FANUCI, with a tiny pencil and pad, makes a note to himself to remind JUDGE JENNINGS to tear out his asshole.
JUDGE JENNINGS: (annoyed) Give me that!
(JUDGE JENNINGS grabs the pencil away from TONY FANUCI. TONY FANUCI squeals "Oh, a wise guy, eh?" and pulls another pencil from his pocket and starts to write with it. JUDGE JENNINGS grabs the pencil away.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: What's the matter with you?
TONY FANUCI makes a few noises of frustration and then pulls a giant-sized dildo pencil from his jacket and starts to write.
TONY FANUCI: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
JUDGE JENNINGS grabs the dildo pencil and HITS TONY FANUCI over thehead with it.
TONY FANUCI: Oh! You'll break my dildo!
JUDGE JENNINGS: I'll break your head.
(JUDGE JENNINGS pinches TONY FANUCI's nipples, twists, then snaps his fingers. TONY FANUCI squeals in pain as the THE TURD joins them.)
THE TURD: Say, what are you fuck slaves doing?
JUDGE JENNINGS: Never mind the wisecracks, Sire. We're trying to paint the Great-One's office. What's wrong here?
THE TURD: You fuck faces have ruined my gay porn magazine.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Come on.
(The three Idiots move to the desk.)
THE TURD: You assfucks better fix this, or I'll give you the worst sexing ever!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: Okay. As the THE TURD exits, TONY FANUCI calls after him.
TONY FANUCI: Hey! Bring me back a piece of boint toast and a rotten egg!
KELLY MILLIS: Burnt toast and a rotten egg?
TONY FANUCI: Yeah, I got a tapewoym in my ass and that's good enough for 'im.
JUDGE JENNINGS (pushes TONY FANUCI): Go on! Get busy!
The 3 Idiots get to work. TONY FANUCI sees a latex vagina atop the desk. He pulls it out and puts it in his mouth.
JUDGE JENNINGS (to KELLY MILLIS): What the fuck?
KELLY MILLIS: Listen here fine sir, I won't tolerate that language.
JUDGE JENNINGS (grabs KELLY MILLIS' nipples, twists, and snaps his fingers)
KELLY MILLIS (in a high pitch) AWWWHHHH!!!!
TONY FANUCI puts the latex in the mirror.
TONY FANUCI (to the device): Say, "Ahh!"
JUDGE JENNINGS (to TONY FANUCI,): What do you got here?
(JUDGE JENNINGS pulls on the device, stretching it out.)
TONY FANUCI: Hey, gimme that! Gimme that! You're gonna make it be like trowin' a hot dog down a hallway!!!"
(JUDGE JENNINGS releases the latex device -- it snaps back and WHACKS TONY FANUCI in the nose.)
TONY FANUCI: Ohhh!
(JUDGE JENNINGS violently pulls the latex from TONY FANUCI's aroused hands, causing a POPPING sound. TONY FANUCI GNASHES his teeth pneumatically at JUDGE JENNINGS who hands the latex back to him.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Now, go on! Get busy like I told ya! (to KELLY MILLIS) Go on!
(JUDGE JENNINGS shoos KELLY MILLIS away from the desk, sits, and puts on the headphones and grabs some KY jelly. He puts a dvd porno in the player. TONY FANUCI pulls the latex being grasped by JUDGE JENNINGS causing him to be pulled forward violently. JUDGE JENNINGS's head SMASHES into the wall.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Oh!
(JUDGE JENNINGS pulls back, drawing the latex backwards. This frustrates TONY FANUCI who squeals and pulls on it again -- too hard. He stumbles backward and out of the scene. There is a huge CRASH. JUDGE JENNINGS and KELLY MILLIS jump in horror as we PAN QUICKLY TO TONY FANUCI sitting in a bucket full of feces.)
TONY FANUCI: Woo-woo. Woo-hoo-hoo. Hey, KELLY! Help me! I'm surrounded! Woo-hoo-hoo!
(JUDGE JENNINGS and KELLY MILLIS rush to TONY FANUCI's aid. They push the plank away and, each grabbing an arm, lift TONY FANUCI (who's covered in execrement) to his feet.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Get up. (to KELLY MILLIS, off the bucket wedged onto TONY FANUCI's rear): Get a hold o' that! (JUDGE JENNINGS grabs TONY FANUCI by the head and KELLY MILLIS pulls the bucket off of TONY FANUCI's rear. The rest of the excrement spills everywhere.KELLY MILLIS and JUDGE JENNINGS FALLS into the feces covered floor in the process. THE TURD walks in and plays the trumpet.
(FADE TO BLACK...)
The trio of Tony Fanuci, Kelly "The Fruit" Millis, and Judge Jennings (better known as the 3 Idiots) are ordered to paint the Liberal Librarian's office.
The Turd who is overseeing the job exits into a private office as the 3 Idiots enter from the front door: JUDGE JENNINGS carries a tool box. TONY FANUCI carries a huge gut.
KELLY MILLIS: (In his effete, ghey voice) Looks like there's nobody here, fine sirs.
JUDGE JENNINGS: This is the place all right.
TONY FANUCI: Maybe I got the--
(TONY FANUCI turns to look around and SMASHES the glass of the front door with his gut.)
KELLY MILLIS: You water-head! Why don't you look what you're doing, kind sir?
TONY FANUCI: I couldn't help it. I was lookin' around to see if there's anybody in the office and when I toined--(TONY FANUCI turns and SMASHES a glass water cooler with his gut.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Look what you did! You ass fuck!!
TONY FANUCI: What?!
(TONY FANUCI turns to look at the smashed water cooler and his gut swings around and POPS JUDGE JENNINGS in the face.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Oh!
(JUDGE JENNINGS clutches his eye in pain. He advances on TONY FANUCI.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Why don't you be careful?
(JUDGE JENNINGS pokes TONY FANUCI in the eye.)
KELLY MILLIS: Move your gut before you hurt somebody.
(TONY FANUCI moves away but drops a bucket of paint on JUDGE JENNINGS's nuts. JUDGE JENNINGS clutches his nuts in pain.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Remind me to tear out your asshole.
TONY FANUCI: I'll make a note of it.
(As TONY FANUCI reaches into his pocket, THE TURD returns and sees the mess they've made. TONY FANUCI, with a tiny pencil and pad, makes a note to himself to remind JUDGE JENNINGS to tear out his asshole.
JUDGE JENNINGS: (annoyed) Give me that!
(JUDGE JENNINGS grabs the pencil away from TONY FANUCI. TONY FANUCI squeals "Oh, a wise guy, eh?" and pulls another pencil from his pocket and starts to write with it. JUDGE JENNINGS grabs the pencil away.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: What's the matter with you?
TONY FANUCI makes a few noises of frustration and then pulls a giant-sized dildo pencil from his jacket and starts to write.
TONY FANUCI: Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.
JUDGE JENNINGS grabs the dildo pencil and HITS TONY FANUCI over thehead with it.
TONY FANUCI: Oh! You'll break my dildo!
JUDGE JENNINGS: I'll break your head.
(JUDGE JENNINGS pinches TONY FANUCI's nipples, twists, then snaps his fingers. TONY FANUCI squeals in pain as the THE TURD joins them.)
THE TURD: Say, what are you fuck slaves doing?
JUDGE JENNINGS: Never mind the wisecracks, Sire. We're trying to paint the Great-One's office. What's wrong here?
THE TURD: You fuck faces have ruined my gay porn magazine.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Come on.
(The three Idiots move to the desk.)
THE TURD: You assfucks better fix this, or I'll give you the worst sexing ever!!
JUDGE JENNINGS: Okay. As the THE TURD exits, TONY FANUCI calls after him.
TONY FANUCI: Hey! Bring me back a piece of boint toast and a rotten egg!
KELLY MILLIS: Burnt toast and a rotten egg?
TONY FANUCI: Yeah, I got a tapewoym in my ass and that's good enough for 'im.
JUDGE JENNINGS (pushes TONY FANUCI): Go on! Get busy!
The 3 Idiots get to work. TONY FANUCI sees a latex vagina atop the desk. He pulls it out and puts it in his mouth.
JUDGE JENNINGS (to KELLY MILLIS): What the fuck?
KELLY MILLIS: Listen here fine sir, I won't tolerate that language.
JUDGE JENNINGS (grabs KELLY MILLIS' nipples, twists, and snaps his fingers)
KELLY MILLIS (in a high pitch) AWWWHHHH!!!!
TONY FANUCI puts the latex in the mirror.
TONY FANUCI (to the device): Say, "Ahh!"
JUDGE JENNINGS (to TONY FANUCI,): What do you got here?
(JUDGE JENNINGS pulls on the device, stretching it out.)
TONY FANUCI: Hey, gimme that! Gimme that! You're gonna make it be like trowin' a hot dog down a hallway!!!"
(JUDGE JENNINGS releases the latex device -- it snaps back and WHACKS TONY FANUCI in the nose.)
TONY FANUCI: Ohhh!
(JUDGE JENNINGS violently pulls the latex from TONY FANUCI's aroused hands, causing a POPPING sound. TONY FANUCI GNASHES his teeth pneumatically at JUDGE JENNINGS who hands the latex back to him.)
JUDGE JENNINGS: Now, go on! Get busy like I told ya! (to KELLY MILLIS) Go on!
(JUDGE JENNINGS shoos KELLY MILLIS away from the desk, sits, and puts on the headphones and grabs some KY jelly. He puts a dvd porno in the player. TONY FANUCI pulls the latex being grasped by JUDGE JENNINGS causing him to be pulled forward violently. JUDGE JENNINGS's head SMASHES into the wall.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Oh!
(JUDGE JENNINGS pulls back, drawing the latex backwards. This frustrates TONY FANUCI who squeals and pulls on it again -- too hard. He stumbles backward and out of the scene. There is a huge CRASH. JUDGE JENNINGS and KELLY MILLIS jump in horror as we PAN QUICKLY TO TONY FANUCI sitting in a bucket full of feces.)
TONY FANUCI: Woo-woo. Woo-hoo-hoo. Hey, KELLY! Help me! I'm surrounded! Woo-hoo-hoo!
(JUDGE JENNINGS and KELLY MILLIS rush to TONY FANUCI's aid. They push the plank away and, each grabbing an arm, lift TONY FANUCI (who's covered in execrement) to his feet.
JUDGE JENNINGS: Get up. (to KELLY MILLIS, off the bucket wedged onto TONY FANUCI's rear): Get a hold o' that! (JUDGE JENNINGS grabs TONY FANUCI by the head and KELLY MILLIS pulls the bucket off of TONY FANUCI's rear. The rest of the excrement spills everywhere.KELLY MILLIS and JUDGE JENNINGS FALLS into the feces covered floor in the process. THE TURD walks in and plays the trumpet.
(FADE TO BLACK...)
Separatist Group Arrives in Deserted Oil Wildcatting Town
Pride, TX
A strange, liberal, pseudo-religious separatist group has claimed the delapidated, oil town of Pride, TX as its own, renaming it the Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple Libtown Agricultural Project, or Libtown for short. The group is headed by a man named Joseph Paul Paynter who calls himself The Liberal Librarian, Bishop Lib, Father and the Messiah among other things. The group's spiritual advisor is the Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe who received his doctor of divinity from the University of Nigeria A&T Online. There are several dozens of refugees from the Braddock County Public Library staff and "customers" as well as others from the WNWA wrestling group called Frustrated Inc.
The group arrived here two days ago in a Toyota Prius limousine that had run out of gas and was being pulled by a nude, effete former library director and a grossly obese man known only as "&%^ slave" as he was called by a creature dressed in a large, brown mascot costume. One person that we recognized was disgraced former 5th Circuit Court Justice William J. Jennings.
A strange, liberal, pseudo-religious separatist group has claimed the delapidated, oil town of Pride, TX as its own, renaming it the Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple Libtown Agricultural Project, or Libtown for short. The group is headed by a man named Joseph Paul Paynter who calls himself The Liberal Librarian, Bishop Lib, Father and the Messiah among other things. The group's spiritual advisor is the Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe who received his doctor of divinity from the University of Nigeria A&T Online. There are several dozens of refugees from the Braddock County Public Library staff and "customers" as well as others from the WNWA wrestling group called Frustrated Inc.
The group arrived here two days ago in a Toyota Prius limousine that had run out of gas and was being pulled by a nude, effete former library director and a grossly obese man known only as "&%^ slave" as he was called by a creature dressed in a large, brown mascot costume. One person that we recognized was disgraced former 5th Circuit Court Justice William J. Jennings.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Judge Jennings Arrested on Child Porn Charges; Thrown off Court; Liberal Librarian and his Minions Flee to Desert
The Braddock Times
Russell Lorrie
Judge William J. Jennings is facing felony child pornography charges for allegedly posting naked photos of his 16-year-old ex-girlfriend on his MySpace page. When contacted by police about the two images, Jennings, 77, balked at removing the pictures of the girl. Warned that he could face jail for publishing images of the minor, Jennings told an investigator, "Fuck that, I am keeping them up," according to a criminal complaint filed yesterday in Braddock County Circuit Court.
Jennings, pictured in the mug shot below, told cops that he posted the photos last week "because he was venting." The cell phone camera photos had been taken by the girl, who provided them to Jennings. Along with posting the photos, Jennings added explicit captions like, "Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me!" While claiming that his goal was not to harm the girl, Jennings acknowledged that, "he probably should not have done this," according to the May 20 court filing. Along with the child porn count, Jennings was charged with defamation and sexual exploitation of a child.
The MySpace page showed two nude images of a female. The first was full frontal nudity of a white, strawberry blonde-haired female and the second was the buttocks, anus and vagina of a female. The caption read "Yo tell me this bitch desurves this!!!!!!! This is KP yall [sic]! You u [sic] see how big her hole is! It's from me! SM gets my leftover's to [sic] bad she fucked."
Jennings was taken away in handcuffs and screamed that "Hillary will take care of this shit!" Unfortunately for Jennings, Clinton had earlier conceded to Barack Obama.
The Liberal Librarian was shown the video of Jennings' arrest on an episode of WNWA Wrestling and stood in stunned silence and gulped noticeably as Jennings was taken away. He then engaged in a profanity laced tirade before gathering a band of refugees from Braddock County Public Library, Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple, An Inconvenient Cafe and Frustrated Inc. and headed to a place in West Texas that he called the Libtown Peoples Temple Agricultural Project.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)