Defecating prankster repeatedly clears Pride pool. Unamused officials enlist public aid.
As pool problems go, this one is a real stinker.
Stephen F. Austin Pool in Pride, TX. is having a problem with a pool pooper. The culprit — pool officials think it's an adult or teen pulling a prank — has defecated in the pool at least 20 times in the past month, leading to temporary pool evacuations, vomiting, and for one patron a "dirty scallion" as they exited the pool. The problem is distressing patrons and lifeguards at the pool.
Pool officials are on the prowl for the pooper, and say they will press charges if they catch the shitter. Possible charges could include disorderly conduct, vandalism, and possession of a weapon of mass destruction.
"Come on! It's not that fucking bad," said Jonathan Oliver Blair, III, a pool patron and self described nudist who appeared angrily aroused. "What the fuck is up these people's asses? A vibrating dildo? A little doo-doo sports has never hurt anyone. Are these cock mouths afraid they may like the taste of the 'Long Sol'?"
Said another pool patron Nancy Smith, "It's pretty disgusting. It's ruining the good times that other families could be having."
The problem began earlier this month, pool officials said, not long after the arrival of a secular separtist group known as, Frustrated Inc. Since their arrival, the pool actually has had twenty-two incidents one case involving explosive diarrhea which turned the pool a milky, soupy, brown.
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