I'm back in dis bich like I just signed a record deal
yeah da best dere here, the Nissan Maxima paint is dripping wet,
it gots sex appeal
never should have hated
you never should've doubted him
with a slot in the president's iPod da Liberal Librarian shattered 'em
Said I handled his biz and I'm one of his favorite rappas
Well give Da Crunk a wite ho' if I'm ever in da slamma'
Better yet put my ass in da office, make me yo' vice president
Whitey hated on you, so dem honky foos is irrelevent
Tomboma talking shit and apologizing for what?
if you said it den you meant it how you want to eat jelly out he butt!
and all you other politicians trying to hate on my Masta,watch us win a majority
it will be an Afrikan disasta'
you can't stop wut's bout to happen, we bout to mak histry
da foyst liberal president is destined and it's meant to be
da threats ain't fazing us, da nooses in my hood
Afta' yoo win, we will rape wite women who gib us wood
paint the White House black and I'm sure that's got 'em terrified
McCain don't belong in ANY chair unless he's paralyzed
Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped
Ball up all of his speeches and I throw em like candy wrap
cause what you talking I hear nothing even relevant
and you the worst of all 43 presidents
get out and vote or the end will be near
the world is ready for change because da Lib is here!
cause da Lib is here
The world is ready for change because da Lib is here!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Beware of Pride Pool 'Poopetrator'
Defecating prankster repeatedly clears Pride pool. Unamused officials enlist public aid.
As pool problems go, this one is a real stinker.
Stephen F. Austin Pool in Pride, TX. is having a problem with a pool pooper. The culprit — pool officials think it's an adult or teen pulling a prank — has defecated in the pool at least 20 times in the past month, leading to temporary pool evacuations, vomiting, and for one patron a "dirty scallion" as they exited the pool. The problem is distressing patrons and lifeguards at the pool.
Pool officials are on the prowl for the pooper, and say they will press charges if they catch the shitter. Possible charges could include disorderly conduct, vandalism, and possession of a weapon of mass destruction.
"Come on! It's not that fucking bad," said Jonathan Oliver Blair, III, a pool patron and self described nudist who appeared angrily aroused. "What the fuck is up these people's asses? A vibrating dildo? A little doo-doo sports has never hurt anyone. Are these cock mouths afraid they may like the taste of the 'Long Sol'?"
Said another pool patron Nancy Smith, "It's pretty disgusting. It's ruining the good times that other families could be having."
The problem began earlier this month, pool officials said, not long after the arrival of a secular separtist group known as, Frustrated Inc. Since their arrival, the pool actually has had twenty-two incidents one case involving explosive diarrhea which turned the pool a milky, soupy, brown.
As pool problems go, this one is a real stinker.
Stephen F. Austin Pool in Pride, TX. is having a problem with a pool pooper. The culprit — pool officials think it's an adult or teen pulling a prank — has defecated in the pool at least 20 times in the past month, leading to temporary pool evacuations, vomiting, and for one patron a "dirty scallion" as they exited the pool. The problem is distressing patrons and lifeguards at the pool.
Pool officials are on the prowl for the pooper, and say they will press charges if they catch the shitter. Possible charges could include disorderly conduct, vandalism, and possession of a weapon of mass destruction.
"Come on! It's not that fucking bad," said Jonathan Oliver Blair, III, a pool patron and self described nudist who appeared angrily aroused. "What the fuck is up these people's asses? A vibrating dildo? A little doo-doo sports has never hurt anyone. Are these cock mouths afraid they may like the taste of the 'Long Sol'?"
Said another pool patron Nancy Smith, "It's pretty disgusting. It's ruining the good times that other families could be having."
The problem began earlier this month, pool officials said, not long after the arrival of a secular separtist group known as, Frustrated Inc. Since their arrival, the pool actually has had twenty-two incidents one case involving explosive diarrhea which turned the pool a milky, soupy, brown.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Hamburglar now sings jingle for KrakBurger
July 25, 2008
DALLAS -- A former Braddock man (now residing in the separatist compound Libtown) who held up a KrakBurger at gunpoint in 2007 is now promoting the restaurant's signature sandwich in song.
Antonio "Da Crunk" Davis is among five finalists in the fast food chain's contest for a new jingle promoting the new "Big-Ass GreasyMeat-Slab." Da Crunk was arrested on Memorial Day 2007 for the holdup. He served 12 days in the Braddock County Prison Farm, where he became interested in making music for companies that he has robbed. This light sentence was attributed to a ruling by now disgraced former Chief Justice William J. Jennings.
The 29-year-old Da Crunk says he was up front with contest officials about his past when applying for the MySpace.com/BigAssGreaseSlab competition.
"I tolt dem abowt my krimz, Gee! I sait dat i luvs me sum 'Big-Ass Greasy Meat-slabs' and I got a song fo' it."
The public has until Sunday to vote. The winner gets a trip to LosAngeles and their song featured in a national KrakBurger ad.
Da Crunk's song
I need a big-ass boiga and hold the lettuce and all dat shit
Don't klown, I like a white ho who's down on da brown
We be up in this drive troo
I needs to pa'k my ca' I gots to go doo-doo
I gots a kraving for dat shitty food when I smokes my blunts
I dawnt want to eat no greezy blak kunts
For rizzle my nizzle
Extra salt on the frizzle
Urange sota my brother
Another for my ho dat's yo mother
Double double super size da frize
And tonight I be in yo mom's levi's...
DALLAS -- A former Braddock man (now residing in the separatist compound Libtown) who held up a KrakBurger at gunpoint in 2007 is now promoting the restaurant's signature sandwich in song.
Antonio "Da Crunk" Davis is among five finalists in the fast food chain's contest for a new jingle promoting the new "Big-Ass GreasyMeat-Slab." Da Crunk was arrested on Memorial Day 2007 for the holdup. He served 12 days in the Braddock County Prison Farm, where he became interested in making music for companies that he has robbed. This light sentence was attributed to a ruling by now disgraced former Chief Justice William J. Jennings.
The 29-year-old Da Crunk says he was up front with contest officials about his past when applying for the MySpace.com/BigAssGreaseSlab competition.
"I tolt dem abowt my krimz, Gee! I sait dat i luvs me sum 'Big-Ass Greasy Meat-slabs' and I got a song fo' it."
The public has until Sunday to vote. The winner gets a trip to LosAngeles and their song featured in a national KrakBurger ad.
Da Crunk's song
I need a big-ass boiga and hold the lettuce and all dat shit
Don't klown, I like a white ho who's down on da brown
We be up in this drive troo
I needs to pa'k my ca' I gots to go doo-doo
I gots a kraving for dat shitty food when I smokes my blunts
I dawnt want to eat no greezy blak kunts
For rizzle my nizzle
Extra salt on the frizzle
Urange sota my brother
Another for my ho dat's yo mother
Double double super size da frize
And tonight I be in yo mom's levi's...
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Suit Alleges Monkey Discrimination
Suit alleges monkey discrimination
Reverend contends he needs animal to stop his social anxiety disorder.
Tired of his monkey being sent scampering from area businesses, a Pride, TX Minister filed suit last week against the health department, a local Wal-Mart and Cox Health Systems. In a lawsuit filed Friday, Rev. Dr. Bishop Curtis Eldorado Lowe alleges the three entities discriminated against him and a 10-year oldchimp named Mud.
All of the defendants, who Lowe sued for unspecified damages, declined to comment on the litigation, noting they hadn't yet seen the suit. Lowe says Richard helps curb his "fer ub da world and helps me wit sum five finga discounts, foo!"
Because of the animal's therapeutic effect, Lowe says, Mud is no different than his biological son Shamookey Sanders. His lawsuit contends the Texas Health Department had no authority to decide that Mud is not a service animal under the Americans With Disabilities Act and, therefore, is not allowed in food establishments. That decision was made in 2007, when health department officials sent out letters to restaurants and grocery stores, telling them not to let Lowe in with the monkey. At the time, Director of Health Kevin Gillespie said Mud did not perform a physical function for Lowe, and therefore is not a service animal. Gillespie also said his department had received complaints from patrons and restaurant managers about the monkey.
As a result of the health department ruling, Lowe "has been denied access to restaurants, convenience stores, school functions involving his children and other establishments that operate food service businesses," the suit says. Lowe also was turned away from nursing classes at Cox Health Systems when he attempted to bring his monkey, the suit says. It notes Lowe brought Mud along when he enrolled in the classes, "and at no time was he told that he would be denied access if he was accompanied by his service animal." The filing further claims Lowe "has been denied access to medical treatment and the ability to visit relatives who are seeking medical treatment," when the monkey is present.
While declining comment on the specifics of Lowe's lawsuit, Cox issued a statement to the Pride Post about the matter. "As a health care organization, we are governed by many health and safety guidelines including the Centers for Disease Control," it said. "According to these guidelines, a monkey poses significant health risks that other animals do not."
The lawsuit claims Lowe also was forced to leave the Wal-Mart Supercenter at 2825 N. Ewing Expressway because of his monkey. The litigation is the latest step in Lowe's quest to gain access for Mud. Following the health department's decision to bar the monkey from restaurants, Lowe filed a complaint with the federal government seeking an endorsement of Mud as a service animal. It was unclear Thursday what the outcome of that complaint was, and neither Lowe nor his attorney returned calls for comment.
Reverend contends he needs animal to stop his social anxiety disorder.
Tired of his monkey being sent scampering from area businesses, a Pride, TX Minister filed suit last week against the health department, a local Wal-Mart and Cox Health Systems. In a lawsuit filed Friday, Rev. Dr. Bishop Curtis Eldorado Lowe alleges the three entities discriminated against him and a 10-year oldchimp named Mud.
All of the defendants, who Lowe sued for unspecified damages, declined to comment on the litigation, noting they hadn't yet seen the suit. Lowe says Richard helps curb his "fer ub da world and helps me wit sum five finga discounts, foo!"
Because of the animal's therapeutic effect, Lowe says, Mud is no different than his biological son Shamookey Sanders. His lawsuit contends the Texas Health Department had no authority to decide that Mud is not a service animal under the Americans With Disabilities Act and, therefore, is not allowed in food establishments. That decision was made in 2007, when health department officials sent out letters to restaurants and grocery stores, telling them not to let Lowe in with the monkey. At the time, Director of Health Kevin Gillespie said Mud did not perform a physical function for Lowe, and therefore is not a service animal. Gillespie also said his department had received complaints from patrons and restaurant managers about the monkey.
As a result of the health department ruling, Lowe "has been denied access to restaurants, convenience stores, school functions involving his children and other establishments that operate food service businesses," the suit says. Lowe also was turned away from nursing classes at Cox Health Systems when he attempted to bring his monkey, the suit says. It notes Lowe brought Mud along when he enrolled in the classes, "and at no time was he told that he would be denied access if he was accompanied by his service animal." The filing further claims Lowe "has been denied access to medical treatment and the ability to visit relatives who are seeking medical treatment," when the monkey is present.
While declining comment on the specifics of Lowe's lawsuit, Cox issued a statement to the Pride Post about the matter. "As a health care organization, we are governed by many health and safety guidelines including the Centers for Disease Control," it said. "According to these guidelines, a monkey poses significant health risks that other animals do not."
The lawsuit claims Lowe also was forced to leave the Wal-Mart Supercenter at 2825 N. Ewing Expressway because of his monkey. The litigation is the latest step in Lowe's quest to gain access for Mud. Following the health department's decision to bar the monkey from restaurants, Lowe filed a complaint with the federal government seeking an endorsement of Mud as a service animal. It was unclear Thursday what the outcome of that complaint was, and neither Lowe nor his attorney returned calls for comment.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Lowe Wants to Cut "Tombama's Nuts Off"
The Rev. Dr. Bishop Curtis Eldorado Lowe laughed Wednesday for saying Barack Obama is “talking down to black people” during what Lowe thought was a private conversation with Hip-Hop star and WNWA wrestler Antonio "Da Crunk" Davis on KLIB Radio, a Ham Radio station based out of "Libtown" in Pride, TX.
Lowe was speaking about Obama’s speeches in black churches and his support for faith-based charities. Lowe added before going live, “I want to cut his nuts off.” His microphone picked up the remarks.
At a hastily arranged news conference Wednesday evening in Libtown, Lowe said he supports, "da Ma-Si-ah (the Liberal Librarian) non-ekwivally” and that he hopes to “get dis behind my ass, foo!” “I have great pashun fo' da Lib and trabeled akross da country … preeching,” Lowe said.
“And dis ting I sait, wuz funny as shit!" Lowe, further obscenely noted, "I offa no fukin apology for dat shit. Dat dam unkel Tombama, a dam FOO!!"
Lowe’s comments reignited something of a family feud. His son, Shamookey Sanders, said he was disappointed by his father’s “dumbass statements.”“But I don't know wut else to say no mo. He's my pop, and me and him now is close,” Shamookey said.
The comments are not the first the Rev. Dr. Bishop has had to explain after believing he was off the record. In 1984, he called New York City “Hymietown,” referring to the city’s large Jewish population. He later acknowledged it was wrong to use the term, but said he did so in private to a reporter.
In 1990, he called Washington, DC "n*gga town" because as he was quoted, "some black-ass foo, mugged my ass and stole my g*dd*mn wallet."
In 1995, he called Michael Jackson a "honky ass foo!"
His most famous controversial comments came in November 2007 at the Texas fundraiser for Hillary Clinton which was organized by the Liberal Librarian. During the prayer, Lowe called Catholics "a bunch ub dam wite honky fish-eetin foos!!!"
Lowe was speaking about Obama’s speeches in black churches and his support for faith-based charities. Lowe added before going live, “I want to cut his nuts off.” His microphone picked up the remarks.
At a hastily arranged news conference Wednesday evening in Libtown, Lowe said he supports, "da Ma-Si-ah (the Liberal Librarian) non-ekwivally” and that he hopes to “get dis behind my ass, foo!” “I have great pashun fo' da Lib and trabeled akross da country … preeching,” Lowe said.
“And dis ting I sait, wuz funny as shit!" Lowe, further obscenely noted, "I offa no fukin apology for dat shit. Dat dam unkel Tombama, a dam FOO!!"
Lowe’s comments reignited something of a family feud. His son, Shamookey Sanders, said he was disappointed by his father’s “dumbass statements.”“But I don't know wut else to say no mo. He's my pop, and me and him now is close,” Shamookey said.
The comments are not the first the Rev. Dr. Bishop has had to explain after believing he was off the record. In 1984, he called New York City “Hymietown,” referring to the city’s large Jewish population. He later acknowledged it was wrong to use the term, but said he did so in private to a reporter.
In 1990, he called Washington, DC "n*gga town" because as he was quoted, "some black-ass foo, mugged my ass and stole my g*dd*mn wallet."
In 1995, he called Michael Jackson a "honky ass foo!"
His most famous controversial comments came in November 2007 at the Texas fundraiser for Hillary Clinton which was organized by the Liberal Librarian. During the prayer, Lowe called Catholics "a bunch ub dam wite honky fish-eetin foos!!!"
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The Lib on "60 Minutes"
This excerpt was taken from a recent interview between Lesley Stahland and the Liberal Librarian on 60 Minutes.
"My dear Lesley [Stahl], the last several weeks I have been bannedfrom my homeland, brother, Braddock, Texas, dude. I was parted frommy beloved Thunderlipps, jack, never to see him again. Why? Because Isuggested to use the atomic elements for producing super-leftwingbeings, beings of unimaginable liberalism, dude. I was classed as amadman, a charlatan, outlawed in the world of libs which hadpreviously honoured me as a genius. Now here in this Science-forsakendesert hell I have proved that I am right, brother! No, Lesley Stahl,it is no laughing matter ... Home? I have no home. Hunted! Despised!Living like an animal. The desert is my home. Now, I will show theworld I can be its master. I will perfect my own race of people, arace of atomic super-liberals which will conquer the world, brother!!"Whatcha gonna do....???!!!"
"My dear Lesley [Stahl], the last several weeks I have been bannedfrom my homeland, brother, Braddock, Texas, dude. I was parted frommy beloved Thunderlipps, jack, never to see him again. Why? Because Isuggested to use the atomic elements for producing super-leftwingbeings, beings of unimaginable liberalism, dude. I was classed as amadman, a charlatan, outlawed in the world of libs which hadpreviously honoured me as a genius. Now here in this Science-forsakendesert hell I have proved that I am right, brother! No, Lesley Stahl,it is no laughing matter ... Home? I have no home. Hunted! Despised!Living like an animal. The desert is my home. Now, I will show theworld I can be its master. I will perfect my own race of people, arace of atomic super-liberals which will conquer the world, brother!!"Whatcha gonna do....???!!!"
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