BRADDOCK, Tex. (AP) - Shoplifting is all in the family for one Texas clan, deputies say. A minister, his biological daughter and some of her children tried to steal $900 worth of merchandise from a Target store in Braddock, 35 miles northeast of Dallas, deputy Misty Smith said.
The "family's" alleged shoplifting spree earlier this week was captured by surveillance video, which deputies say showed them cutting open boxes and hiding MP3 players, digital cameras, DVDs, jewelry and sports equipment in purses, bags and a backpack. An 8-year-old and a 5-year-old were among the family members detained.
"The 5-year-old actually had a gun. A small item but we could see where his life was heading because he thinks more than likely this is a normal way of life, this is what you do," said Dale Eubanks, Deputy of Braddock County.
Rev. Dr. Bishop Curtis Eldorado Lowe, 78 (of Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple of the Immaculate Heart of The Liberal Librarian), andhis 32-year-old biological daughter, Shitifa Moore, were formally charged Wednesday with burglary, grand theft, vandalism and contributing to the delinquency of minors. They were released from jail. If convicted, each could face eight years in prison.
Moore's teenage sons, 14 and 13, were arrested on suspicion of grand theft and will face charges in juvenille court, authorities said. Another teen not related to the family also was arrested. The two children were released to the Braddock County Public Library and will not face charges. However, the Minister was heard pinning the crime on the others. He was quoted, "Dey did it.! I is inosent!! I dawnt wont to go to prison. I dawnt wont no mo' jelly! Dey was jus steelin' it fo da chuch."
By that evening, Dr. Lowe's concerns were soon abated. All those accused of the crime had their charges dropped by Superior Court Justice William J. Jennings.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Curtis Lowe Ransom Photo
The Braddock Times news alert
A photo of Rev. Dr. Curtis Lowe has surfaced on a white supremacist Website.
The grainy photo shows Lowe, 75, dressed in a Ku Klux Klan uniform holding a sign that reads "I Support the Klan." The poster of the photo, TJDavis4KKK claims that he is holding Lowe hostage and is making him "eat his [expletive] and suck the jelly out." He claims that the only way Lowe will make it out alive is if the poster is paid $1 million and his conviction overturned. The poster is believed to be African-American white supremacist Tyrone Jefferson Davis who abducted Lowe nearly two weeks ago.
Bums and Perverts Cheer!!! BCPL will be open on Sundays year round
The Braddock Times- January 24, 2008
At a meeting Wednesday, Braddock County Public Library 's director, Kelly Millis, asked the library board for its approval to open the libraryon Sundays during the summer.Millis said, "As a Christian I hate that the staff would have the spare time to go to church, when there are so many people we can already help. Where will that guy who is urintating in the lobby go to look at online porn on Sundays if we are not open."
The library is closed on Sundays from Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day weekend, when children are out of school. In addition the Library is closed on most holidays, along with other city offices. The library began closing on summer Sundays in 1985, Millis said, as a cost-cutting measure. Though in reality, this was incorrect. The library started closing on Sundays when all the research services staff (except Millis) quit their jobs because of low pay and long hours. "They had to close," said Jacquelin Thehut head of the Texas Collection, they had no choice...otherwise Kelly Millis would have been forced to work weekends, and we all know he would never do that."
"I know we would have plenty of people in the library year-round,'' Millis said. "I don't think they will mind cutting their vacations a day short to help our most needy and perverted patrons." The board unamiously approved Ellis's proposal. Millis also proposed allowing the Library to open on holidays and let part time staff run it as they are not paid for holidays when the Library is closed. The board denied this request on a 4-3 vote.
As for the staff, well they are very optimistic. Karma McCarthy, a part-time employee of Research Services was quoted as saying, "Church is for losers. I would rather come to work so I am not forced to reflect on my past as a stripper." Thehut is all for working Sundays, but she said "I am usually sick that day." Marilyn Krapowski, the interim head of Research Services was quoted as saying, "Great, I can't wait to work more for the same pay." Off the record she said, "Boy the staff members here at BCPL are screwed again. We are such fools!"
At a meeting Wednesday, Braddock County Public Library 's director, Kelly Millis, asked the library board for its approval to open the libraryon Sundays during the summer.Millis said, "As a Christian I hate that the staff would have the spare time to go to church, when there are so many people we can already help. Where will that guy who is urintating in the lobby go to look at online porn on Sundays if we are not open."
The library is closed on Sundays from Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day weekend, when children are out of school. In addition the Library is closed on most holidays, along with other city offices. The library began closing on summer Sundays in 1985, Millis said, as a cost-cutting measure. Though in reality, this was incorrect. The library started closing on Sundays when all the research services staff (except Millis) quit their jobs because of low pay and long hours. "They had to close," said Jacquelin Thehut head of the Texas Collection, they had no choice...otherwise Kelly Millis would have been forced to work weekends, and we all know he would never do that."
"I know we would have plenty of people in the library year-round,'' Millis said. "I don't think they will mind cutting their vacations a day short to help our most needy and perverted patrons." The board unamiously approved Ellis's proposal. Millis also proposed allowing the Library to open on holidays and let part time staff run it as they are not paid for holidays when the Library is closed. The board denied this request on a 4-3 vote.
As for the staff, well they are very optimistic. Karma McCarthy, a part-time employee of Research Services was quoted as saying, "Church is for losers. I would rather come to work so I am not forced to reflect on my past as a stripper." Thehut is all for working Sundays, but she said "I am usually sick that day." Marilyn Krapowski, the interim head of Research Services was quoted as saying, "Great, I can't wait to work more for the same pay." Off the record she said, "Boy the staff members here at BCPL are screwed again. We are such fools!"
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Libapalooza Matches Announced
Next Tuesdays's edition of WNWA Wrestling will be televised LIVE from Braddock County Public Library as part of the Libapalooza event in honor of WNWA World Heavyweight Champion The Liberal Librarian. The following matches will be held:
Main Event: WNWA Women's Championship
Tony Fanuci (C) vs. Amelia
Crummox vs. Kevin Knox and Seamus Street
Bells Palsy vs. Shamookey Sanders & Lo Hung Schlong
Malik Monroe vs. Delbert Vaughan
Retro w/ Kelly Millis vs. The Guardian w/ Jabbajaw
Main Event: WNWA Women's Championship
Tony Fanuci (C) vs. Amelia
Crummox vs. Kevin Knox and Seamus Street
Bells Palsy vs. Shamookey Sanders & Lo Hung Schlong
Malik Monroe vs. Delbert Vaughan
Retro w/ Kelly Millis vs. The Guardian w/ Jabbajaw
BCPL in Crisis
As expansion project stalls, BCPL Director Kelly Millis seeks advice from anyone including children to save the day.
The Braddock Times
January 20, 2008
If Lucy Horn , 7, could build a library, she'd make sure to include horses and stables. Horses?
People like animals, and Lucy and most of her friends like horses, the Braddock County Elementary School second grader said. And, no, the horses won't eat the books and won't make a mess, Lucy promised. In fact, horses would protect you from the bands of roaming homeless and pedophiles that stalk the patrons, she said.
Lucy was among 11 students who brought in libraries made out of Legos to the Braddock County Public Library on January 19 . The library hosted a contest to to try and break the deadlock that is hinderng the library's seemingly never-beginning expansion and renovation. "The library is expanding all three floors in the front of the building , creating 19,000 square feet of extra space. I don't know where to begin or what to do," Director Kelly Millis said.
The construction and renovations were expected to be completed by 2009, but now library staff confided that they are just hoping it will begin by that date. The library's Childrens Services Department invited local students to share any ideas at all to breathe life into this hopelessly deadlocked project. Besides horses, Lucy's library had a mechanical arm to help patrons fight off purse snatchers and rapists. Peter Cole, 5, didn't build any windows into his library because they would allow the local perverts to break in. He built separate towers for boys, girls and reading. The Braddock Magnet School kindergartner built bridges between the towers for easier access. He also built a moat to keep the Children's Librarian, Noah Retro away.
Besides building libraries, kids got to guess the number of Legos in a container. Brock Joyce, 11, won a Lego castle kit for guessing the closest to the number of Legos - 933. Tyrone Jefferson, Jr., 9, of Braddock County Correctional Elementary for Youthful Offenders, built prison walls and cages for his library. Tyrone tried to make Lego library books, too, "but like the books, I can't read the Legos." His library features a communal shower, communal bathrooms, and a desk to hold weapons.
Reference Librarian Joseph Paynter (the WNWA World Heavyweight Champion The Liberal Librarian) constructed a strange compound with several small shantys, one large cabin and a large pavillion and what appeared to be vats that he said "we could fill with punch, dude. I'd call this place Libtown, brother and put it in the jungle or the desert-somewhere that me and my Libsters could escape the tyranny and oppression of capitalist swine and Republicans, dude."
Children's librarian Noah Retro came up with the Legos library contest and tied it to the upcoming construction that will hopefully begin in a year or two. October is also National Construction Toy month. Retro, said the library will also do a construction theme next summer in conjunction with the expansion. Though doubtful of the success of the library's renovations, he is still somewhat optimistic. "At least Mr. Millis installed the cameras to keep an eye on the staff's every movement. I would hate to be interrupted when I am having a session with one of the boys," said Retro.
The Lego libraries had to be 15 inches tall, 15 inches wide and 15 inches deep or smaller and made of Legos in an original design. Creations were judged on creativity and how much work was involved. Judges "could probably tell how much time was put into it," KellyMillis said before the judging, "but who cares, we are going to give the award to the black kid anyway." Noah Retro said he hopes more kids participate as the event continues. Kelly Millis just hopes that something, anything, any idea no matter how insignificant will save the project from being abandoned, whereby he would yet again fail. Retro also plans to host events frequently so children will be around. Retro and Millis are working to provide activities for students (like informal talks on the "birds and the bees") whenever schools let out early or close for a day.
The Braddock Times
January 20, 2008
If Lucy Horn , 7, could build a library, she'd make sure to include horses and stables. Horses?
People like animals, and Lucy and most of her friends like horses, the Braddock County Elementary School second grader said. And, no, the horses won't eat the books and won't make a mess, Lucy promised. In fact, horses would protect you from the bands of roaming homeless and pedophiles that stalk the patrons, she said.
Lucy was among 11 students who brought in libraries made out of Legos to the Braddock County Public Library on January 19 . The library hosted a contest to to try and break the deadlock that is hinderng the library's seemingly never-beginning expansion and renovation. "The library is expanding all three floors in the front of the building , creating 19,000 square feet of extra space. I don't know where to begin or what to do," Director Kelly Millis said.
The construction and renovations were expected to be completed by 2009, but now library staff confided that they are just hoping it will begin by that date. The library's Childrens Services Department invited local students to share any ideas at all to breathe life into this hopelessly deadlocked project. Besides horses, Lucy's library had a mechanical arm to help patrons fight off purse snatchers and rapists. Peter Cole, 5, didn't build any windows into his library because they would allow the local perverts to break in. He built separate towers for boys, girls and reading. The Braddock Magnet School kindergartner built bridges between the towers for easier access. He also built a moat to keep the Children's Librarian, Noah Retro away.
Besides building libraries, kids got to guess the number of Legos in a container. Brock Joyce, 11, won a Lego castle kit for guessing the closest to the number of Legos - 933. Tyrone Jefferson, Jr., 9, of Braddock County Correctional Elementary for Youthful Offenders, built prison walls and cages for his library. Tyrone tried to make Lego library books, too, "but like the books, I can't read the Legos." His library features a communal shower, communal bathrooms, and a desk to hold weapons.
Reference Librarian Joseph Paynter (the WNWA World Heavyweight Champion The Liberal Librarian) constructed a strange compound with several small shantys, one large cabin and a large pavillion and what appeared to be vats that he said "we could fill with punch, dude. I'd call this place Libtown, brother and put it in the jungle or the desert-somewhere that me and my Libsters could escape the tyranny and oppression of capitalist swine and Republicans, dude."
Children's librarian Noah Retro came up with the Legos library contest and tied it to the upcoming construction that will hopefully begin in a year or two. October is also National Construction Toy month. Retro, said the library will also do a construction theme next summer in conjunction with the expansion. Though doubtful of the success of the library's renovations, he is still somewhat optimistic. "At least Mr. Millis installed the cameras to keep an eye on the staff's every movement. I would hate to be interrupted when I am having a session with one of the boys," said Retro.
The Lego libraries had to be 15 inches tall, 15 inches wide and 15 inches deep or smaller and made of Legos in an original design. Creations were judged on creativity and how much work was involved. Judges "could probably tell how much time was put into it," KellyMillis said before the judging, "but who cares, we are going to give the award to the black kid anyway." Noah Retro said he hopes more kids participate as the event continues. Kelly Millis just hopes that something, anything, any idea no matter how insignificant will save the project from being abandoned, whereby he would yet again fail. Retro also plans to host events frequently so children will be around. Retro and Millis are working to provide activities for students (like informal talks on the "birds and the bees") whenever schools let out early or close for a day.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Braddock County Public Library Hosts Adult Circus and Party This Weekend
Russell LorrieEntertainment & Lifestyle
The Braddock Times
Braddock County Public Library Director Kelly Millis and Children's Librarian Noah Retro have announced plans for a party and adult circus to honor WNWA World Heavyweight Champion and BCPL employee, Joseph Paul Paynter, aka The Liberal Librarian. Millis said that he envisions this party to be "a fusion of Truman Capote's Black and White Ball, The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus, Mardi Gras, and the Clay Shaw party from Oliver Stone's JFK, "and will call the fete Libapalooza. When asked for comment The Lib said "this'll be the biggest party since Kool-Aid Night at Jonestown, dude."
Two hours of this invitation only party and wrestling event will be covered on OIL TV. Most of the televised portion of the event will focus on circus acts by WNWA talent, clowns, little people, circus animals, alcohol and drug abuse and four wrestling matches. The three rings, performers and balloons will all be at the library tomorrow, Saturday, between 7:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. The televized portion will be held from 9 to 11 p.m.
Libapalooza will also feature face painting, crafts, games, stories, juggling, magic and comedy provided by The Lib's slave, Tony Fanuci. Catering for the event will be provided by An Inconvenient Cafe. Retro also said that he has "many exciting things planned for the children, especially boys aged 6-13."
Curtis Lowe Kidnapped
At the latest WNWA Wrestling television taping this past Tuesday, Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe was assaulted and abducted by escaped convicted felon Tyrone Jefferson. Jefferson, an avowed white supremacist who joined the Aryan Brotherhood whilst in prison, is also known as Tyrone Jefferson Davis. If you have any information concerning this case please call Braddock Crime Stoppers at 214-883-3694.
Lowe at a recent American Idol audition. Unfortunately, he was not selected to go to Hollywood and now he is missing and in the hands of an escaped convict and African-American white supremacist.
Lowe at a recent American Idol audition. Unfortunately, he was not selected to go to Hollywood and now he is missing and in the hands of an escaped convict and African-American white supremacist.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
From a Camaro to a Wheelbarrow
From a Camaro to a Wheelbarrow
By Jeff Klingman
Special to Braddock Today
Updated: January 10, 2008, 1:48 PM ET
Braddock, TX -- His wheelbarrow, naturally, is red. Not brown or black or forest green or any of the 2,000 other hues that generally fail to catch the eyes of passers-by. It is red.
Somehow, in the drearily colored life of Tony Fanuci, this makes perfect sense. Were his wheelbarrow, say, gray, Fanuci would more easily slip into the backdrop of the east side of Braddock, a downtrodden section of the city littered by double-wide trailers, wayward drug dealers and the shattered Budweiser bottles, used condoms, Whataburger wrappers and crumpled newspapers that seem to pock each dirt road and cement walkway. Although as a boy Fanuci was raised in a home at 1018 West Harmony St. in South Philadelphia, PA, the only harmonious element to Braddock's poor neighborhoods is the occasional crooning from drunk and cracked-up men on particularly jovial nights.
"East Braddock," says Carmine Fanuci, Tony's younger cousin, "can bring any person down. We're talking about a very, very negative place. "
Tony Fanuci was on top of the world as a member of the WNWA in thelate 1990s and early 2000s. It is through this bottomed-out world that Tony Fanuci, 41-year-old Philly, PA native, weaves his red wheelbarrow on a daily basis. Maybe he'll stroll down Christopher Lane, make a left on Prout Drive and a right on Church Street. Or perhaps he'll visit his, pastor, Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe, of the Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple one mile away on Trogdon Street. Really, the path he follows matters not when it comes to the ensuing travesty: Wherever Fanuci strides, he is ruthlessly mocked.
In a city of "brotherly love" long ago deserted by hope, Fanuci was the one who got out,who grabbed the golden ring and extracted himself from the neck-high sludge. Following an All-Star career as a restauranteur he started wrestling for the WNWA. Over the next four years, Fanuci went on to win three WNWA Championship belts. Boasting blazing speed and Carl Lewis-esque athleticism despite weighing over 400lbs., he was the type of out-of-nowhere phenom that WNWA talent scouts lusted for. "Tony was such a damn talent," says Leroy Ahoy, a former WNWA wrestler who was in the same stable as Fanuci. "As far as theguys I wrestled with in my 13-year career, I'd put him in my top four as far as pure athletic ability. He could do anything. Everything."
And now, here is Fanuci, back on the streets similar to the ones he once escaped, trying to lie low atop a red wheelbarrow that serves, unintentionally, as his calling card. More than eight years removed from his last WNWA singles championship (unless you count the humiliation of being awarded the Women's Championship, an honor Fanuci eagerly lapped-up) and over a year and a half since his last singles victory, Fanuci is well versed in the inescapable hell that is the pity and scorn directed his way. He hears people whispering, sees them pointing, understands the joke is completely on him. When the wrestling money rolled in, Fanuci was quick to send $500 here, $1,000 there.
Tony, my car is broken. Tony, my son needs new shoes. Tony, my house payment is overdue.
"He couldn't say no," says Lisa Fanuci, Tony's cousin. "He felt like he had to help everyone."Now, those same people he aided look at Fanuci as a cautionary tale: what not to do. They consider it their right -- their obligation -- to tell him what a pathetic fool he is; to tell him that he had The Life and lost it; to tell him that he should be on TV with fATAS and Captain Redneck and Leroy Ahoy and Bobby The Chunk, not slogging around Braddock with a group of mentally retarded "jobbers" like a worthless bum, a legal slave to a drug addled, megalomaniacal lunatic with a Messiah complex.
You don't even have a car. You don't even have a cell phone. You don'teven have a home. You pawned your belts. You've never even had sex! "Ehhhhhh, Tony has turned out to be a great disappointment," says Francesca"Pam" Fanuci, Tony's mother. "There's no other way to say it."
If Fanuci's wheelbarrow is emblematic of tough times, his living conditions serve as a neon billboard. The man who once owned a $250,000 Lancaster County home and drove a red Camaro ("I went from a Camaro to a wheelbarrow...and a used one at that" he glumly notes) now dwells in an old walk-in closet in a decrepit government housing project apartment with a care-taker who dresses in a "Turd" costume. It lacks both running water and electricity (his "master" is adamant that he not have such "luxuries"); the lone source of power is an orange
extension cord that snakes its way from an outlet beside the neighbor's door, through the hall, to a light above Fanuci's sleeping bag. Here, amidst the tattered carpet and peeling paint and empty cereal and microwavable popcorn boxes and feces and urine, a man once gifted with everything ponders how an affinity for Italian food and a sick obsession for another man's woman prematurely destroyed his wrestling career; how multiple failed suicide attempts nearly ended his existence; how his family barely knows their "Tony" anymore; how the dreams of yesteryear have shriveled up and died; how he wishes he could lay down in his red whelbarrow and roll off into a different town. A different world. A different … life.
"It's soytenly is hard being the f---up," he says. "I'm not just saying that. Evoiyone in Braddock sees me as the fat f---up, as theguy who made it to the WNWA and lost it all. I'm the f---up to my ma, I'm the f---up to my dad, God rest his soul, I'm the f---up to my family …"Fanuci pauses. He is sitting at a table inside a dive named An Inconvenient Cafe in a very strange public library, jabbing a plastic fork into a slab of overcooked lasagna. In the background, Otis Redding's "Try a Little Tenderness" hums from a speaker.
Come on and try
Try a little tenderness
Yeah try
Just keep on trying
Fanuci takes a bite, taps his hand along with the beat. "Tendoiness," he says. "That sounds awfully nice to my ass."
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I initially met Tony Fanuci eight months ago, when I flew to Braddock to interview him for a book on the 1990s WNWA. At the time, what Iknew of the man was rather basic: Held the Pennsylvania state spaghetti eating record. Attended Strasburg High School and was a star chorus singer. Made the best pizza in all of south central PA. Became a championship wrestler. Five suspensions for public masturbation. Liked the strippers. Vanished.
What I discovered in person, however, was anything but the typical ex-athlete. Fanuci was modest, polite, soft-spoken and reflective, even though he has a disturbing "Curly Howard" accent that he obtained following a stroke. He dismissed his past athletic achievements as relatively meaningless but joyfully recalled his days alongside fATAS, Ahoy and Bobby The Chunk in the WNWA locker room, when teammates affectionately called him "Fat Boy" for his enormous hang gut. Fanuci possesses an elephantine memory (and body), easily pulling out the details of matches and names and dates as if they were from last week, not 10 years ago. "I loyked into my manager Bobby's eyes," he said ofone matchup against The Black Jacks, "and knew we woy gonna win …"
Yet, behind the funny voice, stories and recollections, there was something … deeper. After spending the first two hours of our time together speaking of all things Buffet of Violence, Fanuci gazed at me from across the table and said, simply, "I need to help people."
"Help people?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said. "Help people to not end up like me."
With that, Fanuci launched into a 1½-hour mea culpa on a life gone bad; on misdeeds and mistakes; on late-night parties though too nervous to talk to the long-legged women; on money earned and money squandered. Mostly, on how the wrong upbringing can crush the human spirit.
"I want to show people that it doesn't have to be this way," he said."People tends to look at one poy-son who's made multiple mistakes and tink, 'What a f---up! What's wrong with dat guy?' But that's a simplistic view of a complicated problem. It's rarely just one poy-son messing up. It's a pattoyn -- a long, long pattoyn of parental abuse and ignorance and negativity. Hoyible negativity...nyuck, nyuck, nyuck." People who say, 'What's wrong with Tony Fanuci?' are missing da bigga pictcha. Yeah, I've screwed up -- more times dan I can count. But until we stop these pattoins, it's an ongoing problem. Dat's why I want to tell my story. To let folks know. To help put an end to people winding up like my ass."I needs to be hoid."
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Tony Fanuci was born May 9, 1966, at University of Pennsylvania Medical Center in Philly to a man, Angelo Fanuci, and a woman, Mia Francesca (Pam Krapowski) Carluzzi, who knew little of raising children with love and compassion, but grasped all too well that life-- from rise to shut-eye -- was one ceaseless struggle.
Pam Fanuci's relationship with Angelo was, to delve into severe understatement, love-hate. One day, he was the world's greatest man. The next day, Pam was unloading the bullets from a .22 caliber into his body. "This particular night, ehhhh......I was working at the dessert stand and a black man touched my hand," she says. "Well, Angelo was very jealous. He grabbed me by the hair, pulled me over the bar and carried me out. When he backed up, I pulled my gun out of my pocketbook and shot him. Bam! Shot him good, ehhh......"
Tony was raised mostly by Pam, who -- according to Tony -- was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. His father Angelo worked long hours and was murdered in 1986. "I neva got over da fact dat my pa was moided." From his earliest memories, Tony recalls his mother's mocking him as "stupid" and "worthless." When he asked for help with homework, she dismissed him with a quick, "What, are you dumb? Ehhhhhhh" He watched in fear as she beat his older cousins, Massimo and Cimino, with bats and brooms. "She didn't quite go the wood route with me," Tony says. "The woist thing she eva hit me wit was an extension coid."
Coupled with a strangling poverty that had Tony and his three cousins(their parents were killed in a mob hit, Carmine, the youngest, was born four years after Tony) sharing underwear, pants, shirts and beds,the future wrestling star walked through the hallways of elementaryand junior high with his chin glued to his chest and his eyes toward the floor -- "a kid in toin jeans and with snot dripping from his nose," he says. In one particularly painful episode that still causes Fanuci to grimace, a handful of girls stopped him in the hallway, pulled down his pants and mocked the size of his penis. "Boy, they sure humiliated my ass. Talk about a scarring moment," he says. "That was just …"His voice trails off.
One can see the anguish etched on Fanuci' face. Yet nothing -- absolutely nothing -- wounded Tony as deeply as those nights when Massimo, seven years his elder, sneaked into bed, saddled up from behind, placed a hand over his mouth and molested him. And although young Tony feared his eldest cousin (Massimo spent his life in and out of jail on robbery and drug convictions), he also emulated him. When Massimo stole, Tony stole. When Massimo talked trash, Tony talked trash. "I loved and despised his ass," he says. "But when he would touch my weina … it changed who I was … what I felt. It broughta lot of anger out of me. Look, I was a kid who was supposed to behaving fun, going to school, playing sports. Instead, I had a ma who beat me and a cousin who raped and molested my ass." When, 11 years ago, Massimo died of AIDS-related causes, Tony attended the funeral and seethed. "You're not supposed to hate someone who passed," he says. "I loved Massimo, but I hated his ass too."
By the time Tony turned 13, Angelo -- concerned by one too many tales of trouble-- took Tony's discipline into his own hands. A Philly dockworker who spent Sundays through Thursdays away from home, Angelo, like Pam, believed in ruthless discipline. Only, he was significantly stronger than Pam. "One time I broke into a house, and my dad caught my ass," Tony says. "He said to me, 'Tony, tell me why you did it -- andy ou better not say you don't know why and you better not cry.'"
Tony started to sob.
POP!
"He punched my ass in the face wit his fist," Tony says. "Knocked me out cold like a salami in the South Philly snow, just like a wise guy. Then he gave my ass a wedgie.... the noive of my dad. What a wise guy! But I don't believe he and my mom were intentionally trying to ruin me. It was how dey knew to parent … what dey were taught by their parents."
Fanuci and his mother moved to Strasburg, Lancaster County, PA after Angelo's murder, partly to escape the mob after the supposed hit on Angelo. They opened a pizza restaurant there and Tony worked there from the time he got home from school to near sun-up. There was no time for him to be a kid. No time for a social life.
If there is a bright side to anger -- to pure, unadulterated anger --it is that it can be recharged and routed elsewhere. Fanuci took the beatings and the utter humiliations and the mocking and the molestation, and used it to become one of the best athletes in Lancaster County history. Because of low test scores and grades in the D-minus range, after Fanuci dropped out of school in 1986, he enrolledat Sal Puccio's Wrestling School. "He was the best athlete in my school," says Val Puccio, Fanuci's wrestling coach. "I'll never forget Tony's explosiveness. It was unparalleled, especially considering how fat he was." Although he has been coaching for 20 years, Puccio still raves over a move from Fanuci's training, when he landed a top rope dropkick with an Aircast guarding a fractured left ankle."You gave Tony the shot," Taylor says, "you knew a win was coming."
While his myriad athletic abilities brought to mind Leroy Ahoy, Fanuci was modest and soft-spoken. He rarely drank, never smoked cigarettes or marijuana, and, recalls his cousin, "wouldn't even take a Tylenol."
"Tony was wonderful," says Lisa Fanuci. "He was very mannerly, very humble. I remember the summer before he started wrestling, he was at wrestling school by himself with no money, no transportation and an empty refrigerator. We're talking about someone who could have starved to death -- but he always found food in the nearby dumpsters and he always saw the bright side."
After graduating from Puccio's school, on the afternoon of April 26, Fanuci sat in his bedroom as family and friends swarmed around the television, anxious to learn who would transform him from broke nobody to wealthy WNWA somebody. When the phone rang, a nervous Tony picked up.
"Hello?" he said.
"Tony?"
"Yes."
"This is Bobby The Chunk of the WNWA. How do you feel about being in my stable?"
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It all happened too fast. Fanuci can see that now, far removed from the action-packed days and dizzying nights of life as a big time wrestler. But at the time, in the midst of it all, everything just seemed so … so … right. WNWA wrestlers bought fancy cars, so TonyFanuci bought fancy cars. WNWA wrestlers bought big houses, so Tony Fanuci bought a big house. WNWA stars flipped $100 bills to exotic dancers, so Tony Fanuci flipped $100 bills to exotic dancers. He was suddenly an adult.
Only, Fanuci wasn't an adult. Oh, his driver's license listed him as 23 years old. But, really, what did he know about being a professional wrestler? About being a man? One day, you're being molested by your cousin in the South Philly projects. The next, you're a big-time wrestler being asked to sign a contract worth more than your family's entire life earnings. "How," Fanuci asks, "can that possibly woik?"
The kid who grew up believing that children were made to be beaten and wives were made to be cheated on and money needed to be spent ASAP was one of hundreds of athletes who have entered professional sports with absolutely no concept of how to live a righteous life. Heck, Fanuci had never opened a bank account or written a check. "When I signed my foist contract, I was thinking, 'I'm a millionaire! I'm set for life!'" he says of the two-year, $1.3 million deal (featuring a$200,000 signing bonus). A short "nyuck, nyuck, nyuck." "Dat's how naive I was...I'm such a fool!"
Now, living in Braddock, TX, a legal slave in the 21st century, Fanuci hopes others can learn from his story. Long-lost friends and relatives materialized from thin air, smiles wide, palms extended. Although Pam Fanuci had largely retreated from her son's life, attending only one of his high school chorus recitals and none of his bush-league wrestling matches, suddenly she was back in the picture.
"When Tony made the WNWA, he was her baby again," Carmine says. "I tried to warn him, but he didn't listen." (Says Pam:"I didn't go to his matches because my favorite shows were always on and they didn't serve chicken salad, ehhhh.") Tony supplied his mother with money, paid off her debts, payed off the lease to the restaurant, purchased a new home for her to live in and a car for her to drive. "She wanted a lot," Tony says, "and was never afraid to ask." (Counters Pam: "He didn't buy me a house. If he had bought me a house, my name would have been on the paperwork. Yes, I lived in it. But it belonged to Tony. Besides, it was a raggedy old single wide trailer. And the car he bought me only cost $3,000 and was from 1986. Big deal.")
Then, the beginning of the end came on Aug. 14, 2001, when Fanuci tore ligaments in his right knee during a match against Eustus Fraley and learned he would miss 14 months. Bored and lonely without the sport he loved, he started eating ever more heavily, staying up at all hours of the night downloading internet porn and chatting with gay men posing as teenaged and underaged girls, and forking over thousands of dollars for strippers every night without any sex in return. When he wasn't home, Fanuci often could be found at the strip clubs, hypnotized by the "dames" and blowing large wads of money. When, in 2001, he was suspended for one year for stealing food from the GM's fridge, few were surprised. "I never thought of myself as a fat ass addicted to food … never felt like I had to have it," he says. "But the food relaxed my ass. I wasn't a poy-son who was comfortable making conversation. But when I was eating, people listened to me. The woids along wit bits of salami flowed from my mout, and I made sense."
Fanuci appeared in a few matches with the WNWA in 2002, but his food problems, addiction to online porn, and inconsistent work made him easy to relinquish. Suspended from the WNWA for the entirety of 2003, Fanuci signed with the XFA in March, after Puccio called his former student and asked if he stopped wacking off to porno. Fanuci said he swore off porn.
Fanuci did not. That August, Fanuci was caught downloading online porn on the General Manager's computer, prompting the XFA to release him ("I'm concerned for his future," Puccio told the Philadelphia Pride) into the real world. Over the ensuing years, Fanuci attempted to rape two strippers, underwent a Jenny Craig diet, and psychological counseling, took a job as a supervisor at a juvenile detention center, wrestled for Fayetteville, PA based SEPWA (salary: $20 per match) and, in 2004, moved to Strasburg to be closer to his mother. It was while living in his hometown that Fanuci plummeted to a new low. His career long dead, his money long gone, his résumé nonexistent (he is 17 credits shy of graduating from college), Tony took a job as a librarian. "I don't know what my ass was tinkin', but it sure humiliated my ass. I was such a fool for takin' dat job."
"That's when his mother came to him and told Tony she was behind on the mortgage on his house and needed him to pay," Lisa says. "For her to tell him that, well, it was a knife to his heart." The following afternoon, Fanuci swallowed thirty pounds of salami and closed his eyes. "I wanted to call it quits," he says. "But as I started dozing off, I decided I couldn't go trough wit it. I guess there was too much to live for, despite working at a public library." Fanuci dialed 911, passed out and woke up the following morning in Lancaster General Hospital, a tube stuck in his anus.
He officially retired in 2004 to devote more time to his dream of starting a Bon Jovi tribute band. Later that summer, J.R. Ewing called and informed him he was being invited back to the WNWA to take part in the Legends Reunion PPV. Fanuci jumped at the chance and performed well enough (winning the tag belts with Ahoy) to be offered a contract. The wrestling bug (and a lack of money) bit him and he mounted an ill-fated, half-hearted comeback. Fanuci no showed several events, was late for even more, and began to eerily stalk female fans. He crossed the line by sexually harrassing Amelia and trying to feud with Prince Charming. Finally, driven to madness by a lack of success with women, Fanuci kidnapped and attempted to rape Amelia. Thankfully his enormous stomach blocked all of his dastardly attempts and Amelia was rescued by Prince Charming and Pike. The two finally squared off in a Straburg Street Fight after Charming burned Strasburg Pizza to the ground. During the match, Fanuci's long-time nemesis, the Kansas City Chef brutally attacked Fanuci and shoved him in front of a Christian Tours tour bus, knocking Fanuci into a coma. Fanuci was sent to Lancaster General Hospital recovering from the coma with Pam by his side, dutifully sponge bathing him and emptying his colostomy bag. He was miraculously cured by a direct injection of italian sausage marinara into his stomach by his friend Big Vulva.
He returned to the WNWA only to be tricked into a life of utter humiliation by The Liberal Librarian, who now owns Fanuci in some sort of bizarre Pseudo-sexual-slavery.
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Eight months ago, following mounds of therapy sessions and years of self-reflection, Tony Fanuci decided he needed to return to the place where -- the way he sees it -- Frankenstein's monster was constructed. He needed to return to the WNWA and to Braddock. It has not been pretty. At first, Fanuci's mother seemed to support Tony's temporary indentured servitude. She kept her distance, letting him sleep when he wanted to sleep, eat when he wanted to eat, talk when he wanted to talk. Now, she is exasperated. "That fat failure needs to find a purpose, ehhh...." Pam says. "Something meaningful." He needs to make more money so I can buy some nice stuff and eat chicken salads at my favorite restaurant, ehhhh...." Tired of his ability to raise money for her, she turned on Tony Fanuci and joined Frustrated Inc. and began having sex with black men. As a result of her action, Tony has been made a permanent slave to the Liberal Librarian. As a full time slave to the Liberal Librarian, Fanuci has been hired-out for personal training jobs in the area, but -- like the belts he pawned off -- failed to keep them. He now trains five clients per week at the local high school, charging what he calls "Ten Simoleons" an hour, but all the money goes to Frustrated Inc. Yet, Fanuci remains an enigma. When Fanuci is not riding his wheelbarrow (which no longer occurs because his enormous weight has bent the frame), he spends most of his days slaving away in his hovel cleaning up the fecal mess his roommate has made, or the corpulent slave is in front of the Braddock Public Library panhandling to raise money in the conservative community for the Hillary Clinton campaign, with much failure.
"Parents have to love and cherish and look out foy their kids and vote for Hillary Clinton. My masta, the Liberal Librarian always tells me how if Hillary is president, she will take care of our asses. On the otha hand, if those parents vote for a consoivative, their kids are gonna wind up just like me." Another pause. "Like me," he says. "An object of sexual humilations for a Liberal group of poivoits, woo, woo, woo, wooo......"
By Jeff Klingman
Special to Braddock Today
Updated: January 10, 2008, 1:48 PM ET
Braddock, TX -- His wheelbarrow, naturally, is red. Not brown or black or forest green or any of the 2,000 other hues that generally fail to catch the eyes of passers-by. It is red.
Somehow, in the drearily colored life of Tony Fanuci, this makes perfect sense. Were his wheelbarrow, say, gray, Fanuci would more easily slip into the backdrop of the east side of Braddock, a downtrodden section of the city littered by double-wide trailers, wayward drug dealers and the shattered Budweiser bottles, used condoms, Whataburger wrappers and crumpled newspapers that seem to pock each dirt road and cement walkway. Although as a boy Fanuci was raised in a home at 1018 West Harmony St. in South Philadelphia, PA, the only harmonious element to Braddock's poor neighborhoods is the occasional crooning from drunk and cracked-up men on particularly jovial nights.
"East Braddock," says Carmine Fanuci, Tony's younger cousin, "can bring any person down. We're talking about a very, very negative place. "
Tony Fanuci was on top of the world as a member of the WNWA in thelate 1990s and early 2000s. It is through this bottomed-out world that Tony Fanuci, 41-year-old Philly, PA native, weaves his red wheelbarrow on a daily basis. Maybe he'll stroll down Christopher Lane, make a left on Prout Drive and a right on Church Street. Or perhaps he'll visit his, pastor, Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe, of the Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple one mile away on Trogdon Street. Really, the path he follows matters not when it comes to the ensuing travesty: Wherever Fanuci strides, he is ruthlessly mocked.
In a city of "brotherly love" long ago deserted by hope, Fanuci was the one who got out,who grabbed the golden ring and extracted himself from the neck-high sludge. Following an All-Star career as a restauranteur he started wrestling for the WNWA. Over the next four years, Fanuci went on to win three WNWA Championship belts. Boasting blazing speed and Carl Lewis-esque athleticism despite weighing over 400lbs., he was the type of out-of-nowhere phenom that WNWA talent scouts lusted for. "Tony was such a damn talent," says Leroy Ahoy, a former WNWA wrestler who was in the same stable as Fanuci. "As far as theguys I wrestled with in my 13-year career, I'd put him in my top four as far as pure athletic ability. He could do anything. Everything."
And now, here is Fanuci, back on the streets similar to the ones he once escaped, trying to lie low atop a red wheelbarrow that serves, unintentionally, as his calling card. More than eight years removed from his last WNWA singles championship (unless you count the humiliation of being awarded the Women's Championship, an honor Fanuci eagerly lapped-up) and over a year and a half since his last singles victory, Fanuci is well versed in the inescapable hell that is the pity and scorn directed his way. He hears people whispering, sees them pointing, understands the joke is completely on him. When the wrestling money rolled in, Fanuci was quick to send $500 here, $1,000 there.
Tony, my car is broken. Tony, my son needs new shoes. Tony, my house payment is overdue.
"He couldn't say no," says Lisa Fanuci, Tony's cousin. "He felt like he had to help everyone."Now, those same people he aided look at Fanuci as a cautionary tale: what not to do. They consider it their right -- their obligation -- to tell him what a pathetic fool he is; to tell him that he had The Life and lost it; to tell him that he should be on TV with fATAS and Captain Redneck and Leroy Ahoy and Bobby The Chunk, not slogging around Braddock with a group of mentally retarded "jobbers" like a worthless bum, a legal slave to a drug addled, megalomaniacal lunatic with a Messiah complex.
You don't even have a car. You don't even have a cell phone. You don'teven have a home. You pawned your belts. You've never even had sex! "Ehhhhhh, Tony has turned out to be a great disappointment," says Francesca"Pam" Fanuci, Tony's mother. "There's no other way to say it."
If Fanuci's wheelbarrow is emblematic of tough times, his living conditions serve as a neon billboard. The man who once owned a $250,000 Lancaster County home and drove a red Camaro ("I went from a Camaro to a wheelbarrow...and a used one at that" he glumly notes) now dwells in an old walk-in closet in a decrepit government housing project apartment with a care-taker who dresses in a "Turd" costume. It lacks both running water and electricity (his "master" is adamant that he not have such "luxuries"); the lone source of power is an orange
extension cord that snakes its way from an outlet beside the neighbor's door, through the hall, to a light above Fanuci's sleeping bag. Here, amidst the tattered carpet and peeling paint and empty cereal and microwavable popcorn boxes and feces and urine, a man once gifted with everything ponders how an affinity for Italian food and a sick obsession for another man's woman prematurely destroyed his wrestling career; how multiple failed suicide attempts nearly ended his existence; how his family barely knows their "Tony" anymore; how the dreams of yesteryear have shriveled up and died; how he wishes he could lay down in his red whelbarrow and roll off into a different town. A different world. A different … life.
"It's soytenly is hard being the f---up," he says. "I'm not just saying that. Evoiyone in Braddock sees me as the fat f---up, as theguy who made it to the WNWA and lost it all. I'm the f---up to my ma, I'm the f---up to my dad, God rest his soul, I'm the f---up to my family …"Fanuci pauses. He is sitting at a table inside a dive named An Inconvenient Cafe in a very strange public library, jabbing a plastic fork into a slab of overcooked lasagna. In the background, Otis Redding's "Try a Little Tenderness" hums from a speaker.
Come on and try
Try a little tenderness
Yeah try
Just keep on trying
Fanuci takes a bite, taps his hand along with the beat. "Tendoiness," he says. "That sounds awfully nice to my ass."
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I initially met Tony Fanuci eight months ago, when I flew to Braddock to interview him for a book on the 1990s WNWA. At the time, what Iknew of the man was rather basic: Held the Pennsylvania state spaghetti eating record. Attended Strasburg High School and was a star chorus singer. Made the best pizza in all of south central PA. Became a championship wrestler. Five suspensions for public masturbation. Liked the strippers. Vanished.
What I discovered in person, however, was anything but the typical ex-athlete. Fanuci was modest, polite, soft-spoken and reflective, even though he has a disturbing "Curly Howard" accent that he obtained following a stroke. He dismissed his past athletic achievements as relatively meaningless but joyfully recalled his days alongside fATAS, Ahoy and Bobby The Chunk in the WNWA locker room, when teammates affectionately called him "Fat Boy" for his enormous hang gut. Fanuci possesses an elephantine memory (and body), easily pulling out the details of matches and names and dates as if they were from last week, not 10 years ago. "I loyked into my manager Bobby's eyes," he said ofone matchup against The Black Jacks, "and knew we woy gonna win …"
Yet, behind the funny voice, stories and recollections, there was something … deeper. After spending the first two hours of our time together speaking of all things Buffet of Violence, Fanuci gazed at me from across the table and said, simply, "I need to help people."
"Help people?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said. "Help people to not end up like me."
With that, Fanuci launched into a 1½-hour mea culpa on a life gone bad; on misdeeds and mistakes; on late-night parties though too nervous to talk to the long-legged women; on money earned and money squandered. Mostly, on how the wrong upbringing can crush the human spirit.
"I want to show people that it doesn't have to be this way," he said."People tends to look at one poy-son who's made multiple mistakes and tink, 'What a f---up! What's wrong with dat guy?' But that's a simplistic view of a complicated problem. It's rarely just one poy-son messing up. It's a pattoyn -- a long, long pattoyn of parental abuse and ignorance and negativity. Hoyible negativity...nyuck, nyuck, nyuck." People who say, 'What's wrong with Tony Fanuci?' are missing da bigga pictcha. Yeah, I've screwed up -- more times dan I can count. But until we stop these pattoins, it's an ongoing problem. Dat's why I want to tell my story. To let folks know. To help put an end to people winding up like my ass."I needs to be hoid."
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Tony Fanuci was born May 9, 1966, at University of Pennsylvania Medical Center in Philly to a man, Angelo Fanuci, and a woman, Mia Francesca (Pam Krapowski) Carluzzi, who knew little of raising children with love and compassion, but grasped all too well that life-- from rise to shut-eye -- was one ceaseless struggle.
Pam Fanuci's relationship with Angelo was, to delve into severe understatement, love-hate. One day, he was the world's greatest man. The next day, Pam was unloading the bullets from a .22 caliber into his body. "This particular night, ehhhh......I was working at the dessert stand and a black man touched my hand," she says. "Well, Angelo was very jealous. He grabbed me by the hair, pulled me over the bar and carried me out. When he backed up, I pulled my gun out of my pocketbook and shot him. Bam! Shot him good, ehhh......"
Tony was raised mostly by Pam, who -- according to Tony -- was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. His father Angelo worked long hours and was murdered in 1986. "I neva got over da fact dat my pa was moided." From his earliest memories, Tony recalls his mother's mocking him as "stupid" and "worthless." When he asked for help with homework, she dismissed him with a quick, "What, are you dumb? Ehhhhhhh" He watched in fear as she beat his older cousins, Massimo and Cimino, with bats and brooms. "She didn't quite go the wood route with me," Tony says. "The woist thing she eva hit me wit was an extension coid."
Coupled with a strangling poverty that had Tony and his three cousins(their parents were killed in a mob hit, Carmine, the youngest, was born four years after Tony) sharing underwear, pants, shirts and beds,the future wrestling star walked through the hallways of elementaryand junior high with his chin glued to his chest and his eyes toward the floor -- "a kid in toin jeans and with snot dripping from his nose," he says. In one particularly painful episode that still causes Fanuci to grimace, a handful of girls stopped him in the hallway, pulled down his pants and mocked the size of his penis. "Boy, they sure humiliated my ass. Talk about a scarring moment," he says. "That was just …"His voice trails off.
One can see the anguish etched on Fanuci' face. Yet nothing -- absolutely nothing -- wounded Tony as deeply as those nights when Massimo, seven years his elder, sneaked into bed, saddled up from behind, placed a hand over his mouth and molested him. And although young Tony feared his eldest cousin (Massimo spent his life in and out of jail on robbery and drug convictions), he also emulated him. When Massimo stole, Tony stole. When Massimo talked trash, Tony talked trash. "I loved and despised his ass," he says. "But when he would touch my weina … it changed who I was … what I felt. It broughta lot of anger out of me. Look, I was a kid who was supposed to behaving fun, going to school, playing sports. Instead, I had a ma who beat me and a cousin who raped and molested my ass." When, 11 years ago, Massimo died of AIDS-related causes, Tony attended the funeral and seethed. "You're not supposed to hate someone who passed," he says. "I loved Massimo, but I hated his ass too."
By the time Tony turned 13, Angelo -- concerned by one too many tales of trouble-- took Tony's discipline into his own hands. A Philly dockworker who spent Sundays through Thursdays away from home, Angelo, like Pam, believed in ruthless discipline. Only, he was significantly stronger than Pam. "One time I broke into a house, and my dad caught my ass," Tony says. "He said to me, 'Tony, tell me why you did it -- andy ou better not say you don't know why and you better not cry.'"
Tony started to sob.
POP!
"He punched my ass in the face wit his fist," Tony says. "Knocked me out cold like a salami in the South Philly snow, just like a wise guy. Then he gave my ass a wedgie.... the noive of my dad. What a wise guy! But I don't believe he and my mom were intentionally trying to ruin me. It was how dey knew to parent … what dey were taught by their parents."
Fanuci and his mother moved to Strasburg, Lancaster County, PA after Angelo's murder, partly to escape the mob after the supposed hit on Angelo. They opened a pizza restaurant there and Tony worked there from the time he got home from school to near sun-up. There was no time for him to be a kid. No time for a social life.
If there is a bright side to anger -- to pure, unadulterated anger --it is that it can be recharged and routed elsewhere. Fanuci took the beatings and the utter humiliations and the mocking and the molestation, and used it to become one of the best athletes in Lancaster County history. Because of low test scores and grades in the D-minus range, after Fanuci dropped out of school in 1986, he enrolledat Sal Puccio's Wrestling School. "He was the best athlete in my school," says Val Puccio, Fanuci's wrestling coach. "I'll never forget Tony's explosiveness. It was unparalleled, especially considering how fat he was." Although he has been coaching for 20 years, Puccio still raves over a move from Fanuci's training, when he landed a top rope dropkick with an Aircast guarding a fractured left ankle."You gave Tony the shot," Taylor says, "you knew a win was coming."
While his myriad athletic abilities brought to mind Leroy Ahoy, Fanuci was modest and soft-spoken. He rarely drank, never smoked cigarettes or marijuana, and, recalls his cousin, "wouldn't even take a Tylenol."
"Tony was wonderful," says Lisa Fanuci. "He was very mannerly, very humble. I remember the summer before he started wrestling, he was at wrestling school by himself with no money, no transportation and an empty refrigerator. We're talking about someone who could have starved to death -- but he always found food in the nearby dumpsters and he always saw the bright side."
After graduating from Puccio's school, on the afternoon of April 26, Fanuci sat in his bedroom as family and friends swarmed around the television, anxious to learn who would transform him from broke nobody to wealthy WNWA somebody. When the phone rang, a nervous Tony picked up.
"Hello?" he said.
"Tony?"
"Yes."
"This is Bobby The Chunk of the WNWA. How do you feel about being in my stable?"
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It all happened too fast. Fanuci can see that now, far removed from the action-packed days and dizzying nights of life as a big time wrestler. But at the time, in the midst of it all, everything just seemed so … so … right. WNWA wrestlers bought fancy cars, so TonyFanuci bought fancy cars. WNWA wrestlers bought big houses, so Tony Fanuci bought a big house. WNWA stars flipped $100 bills to exotic dancers, so Tony Fanuci flipped $100 bills to exotic dancers. He was suddenly an adult.
Only, Fanuci wasn't an adult. Oh, his driver's license listed him as 23 years old. But, really, what did he know about being a professional wrestler? About being a man? One day, you're being molested by your cousin in the South Philly projects. The next, you're a big-time wrestler being asked to sign a contract worth more than your family's entire life earnings. "How," Fanuci asks, "can that possibly woik?"
The kid who grew up believing that children were made to be beaten and wives were made to be cheated on and money needed to be spent ASAP was one of hundreds of athletes who have entered professional sports with absolutely no concept of how to live a righteous life. Heck, Fanuci had never opened a bank account or written a check. "When I signed my foist contract, I was thinking, 'I'm a millionaire! I'm set for life!'" he says of the two-year, $1.3 million deal (featuring a$200,000 signing bonus). A short "nyuck, nyuck, nyuck." "Dat's how naive I was...I'm such a fool!"
Now, living in Braddock, TX, a legal slave in the 21st century, Fanuci hopes others can learn from his story. Long-lost friends and relatives materialized from thin air, smiles wide, palms extended. Although Pam Fanuci had largely retreated from her son's life, attending only one of his high school chorus recitals and none of his bush-league wrestling matches, suddenly she was back in the picture.
"When Tony made the WNWA, he was her baby again," Carmine says. "I tried to warn him, but he didn't listen." (Says Pam:"I didn't go to his matches because my favorite shows were always on and they didn't serve chicken salad, ehhhh.") Tony supplied his mother with money, paid off her debts, payed off the lease to the restaurant, purchased a new home for her to live in and a car for her to drive. "She wanted a lot," Tony says, "and was never afraid to ask." (Counters Pam: "He didn't buy me a house. If he had bought me a house, my name would have been on the paperwork. Yes, I lived in it. But it belonged to Tony. Besides, it was a raggedy old single wide trailer. And the car he bought me only cost $3,000 and was from 1986. Big deal.")
Then, the beginning of the end came on Aug. 14, 2001, when Fanuci tore ligaments in his right knee during a match against Eustus Fraley and learned he would miss 14 months. Bored and lonely without the sport he loved, he started eating ever more heavily, staying up at all hours of the night downloading internet porn and chatting with gay men posing as teenaged and underaged girls, and forking over thousands of dollars for strippers every night without any sex in return. When he wasn't home, Fanuci often could be found at the strip clubs, hypnotized by the "dames" and blowing large wads of money. When, in 2001, he was suspended for one year for stealing food from the GM's fridge, few were surprised. "I never thought of myself as a fat ass addicted to food … never felt like I had to have it," he says. "But the food relaxed my ass. I wasn't a poy-son who was comfortable making conversation. But when I was eating, people listened to me. The woids along wit bits of salami flowed from my mout, and I made sense."
Fanuci appeared in a few matches with the WNWA in 2002, but his food problems, addiction to online porn, and inconsistent work made him easy to relinquish. Suspended from the WNWA for the entirety of 2003, Fanuci signed with the XFA in March, after Puccio called his former student and asked if he stopped wacking off to porno. Fanuci said he swore off porn.
Fanuci did not. That August, Fanuci was caught downloading online porn on the General Manager's computer, prompting the XFA to release him ("I'm concerned for his future," Puccio told the Philadelphia Pride) into the real world. Over the ensuing years, Fanuci attempted to rape two strippers, underwent a Jenny Craig diet, and psychological counseling, took a job as a supervisor at a juvenile detention center, wrestled for Fayetteville, PA based SEPWA (salary: $20 per match) and, in 2004, moved to Strasburg to be closer to his mother. It was while living in his hometown that Fanuci plummeted to a new low. His career long dead, his money long gone, his résumé nonexistent (he is 17 credits shy of graduating from college), Tony took a job as a librarian. "I don't know what my ass was tinkin', but it sure humiliated my ass. I was such a fool for takin' dat job."
"That's when his mother came to him and told Tony she was behind on the mortgage on his house and needed him to pay," Lisa says. "For her to tell him that, well, it was a knife to his heart." The following afternoon, Fanuci swallowed thirty pounds of salami and closed his eyes. "I wanted to call it quits," he says. "But as I started dozing off, I decided I couldn't go trough wit it. I guess there was too much to live for, despite working at a public library." Fanuci dialed 911, passed out and woke up the following morning in Lancaster General Hospital, a tube stuck in his anus.
He officially retired in 2004 to devote more time to his dream of starting a Bon Jovi tribute band. Later that summer, J.R. Ewing called and informed him he was being invited back to the WNWA to take part in the Legends Reunion PPV. Fanuci jumped at the chance and performed well enough (winning the tag belts with Ahoy) to be offered a contract. The wrestling bug (and a lack of money) bit him and he mounted an ill-fated, half-hearted comeback. Fanuci no showed several events, was late for even more, and began to eerily stalk female fans. He crossed the line by sexually harrassing Amelia and trying to feud with Prince Charming. Finally, driven to madness by a lack of success with women, Fanuci kidnapped and attempted to rape Amelia. Thankfully his enormous stomach blocked all of his dastardly attempts and Amelia was rescued by Prince Charming and Pike. The two finally squared off in a Straburg Street Fight after Charming burned Strasburg Pizza to the ground. During the match, Fanuci's long-time nemesis, the Kansas City Chef brutally attacked Fanuci and shoved him in front of a Christian Tours tour bus, knocking Fanuci into a coma. Fanuci was sent to Lancaster General Hospital recovering from the coma with Pam by his side, dutifully sponge bathing him and emptying his colostomy bag. He was miraculously cured by a direct injection of italian sausage marinara into his stomach by his friend Big Vulva.
He returned to the WNWA only to be tricked into a life of utter humiliation by The Liberal Librarian, who now owns Fanuci in some sort of bizarre Pseudo-sexual-slavery.
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Eight months ago, following mounds of therapy sessions and years of self-reflection, Tony Fanuci decided he needed to return to the place where -- the way he sees it -- Frankenstein's monster was constructed. He needed to return to the WNWA and to Braddock. It has not been pretty. At first, Fanuci's mother seemed to support Tony's temporary indentured servitude. She kept her distance, letting him sleep when he wanted to sleep, eat when he wanted to eat, talk when he wanted to talk. Now, she is exasperated. "That fat failure needs to find a purpose, ehhh...." Pam says. "Something meaningful." He needs to make more money so I can buy some nice stuff and eat chicken salads at my favorite restaurant, ehhhh...." Tired of his ability to raise money for her, she turned on Tony Fanuci and joined Frustrated Inc. and began having sex with black men. As a result of her action, Tony has been made a permanent slave to the Liberal Librarian. As a full time slave to the Liberal Librarian, Fanuci has been hired-out for personal training jobs in the area, but -- like the belts he pawned off -- failed to keep them. He now trains five clients per week at the local high school, charging what he calls "Ten Simoleons" an hour, but all the money goes to Frustrated Inc. Yet, Fanuci remains an enigma. When Fanuci is not riding his wheelbarrow (which no longer occurs because his enormous weight has bent the frame), he spends most of his days slaving away in his hovel cleaning up the fecal mess his roommate has made, or the corpulent slave is in front of the Braddock Public Library panhandling to raise money in the conservative community for the Hillary Clinton campaign, with much failure.
"Parents have to love and cherish and look out foy their kids and vote for Hillary Clinton. My masta, the Liberal Librarian always tells me how if Hillary is president, she will take care of our asses. On the otha hand, if those parents vote for a consoivative, their kids are gonna wind up just like me." Another pause. "Like me," he says. "An object of sexual humilations for a Liberal group of poivoits, woo, woo, woo, wooo......"
The Liberal Librarian Causes a Stir in Braddock Store
Braddock, TX - No stranger to crazy behavior, The Liberal Librarian's
shocking antics continued on a recent trip to a Braddock clothing
store, where The Lib emerged from the fitting room - stark naked.
Accompanied by his minion "The Turd", the duo disappeared into the
dressing room, spending nearly an hour making "strange" noises.
The 35-year-old WNWA World Champion shocked the saleswoman in the
shop, who made an attempt to cover him up, but was faced with a litany
of abuse.
The shop assistant told the Braddock Times: "I was blown away. The
Lib's private parts were right in front of me!"
"I grabbed a dress to cover him and he screamed, 'Get away from me!
Don't you f***ing come near me!'" says the employee.
"Then he disappeared in the dressing room with "The Turd" for 45
minutes. They were making weird noises. It was disgusting."
When the Lib and the Turd finally emerged, the Lib mumbled something
unintelligible.
"I couldn't understand a word he was saying. He was slurring and
spitting, and talking with a British accent," says the employee.
"His face was covered with cold sores and acne, and his scalp was
patchy. I wanted to help him, but he was so mean that I left him
alone. Then he muttered, 'F**k you!' and left the store."
shocking antics continued on a recent trip to a Braddock clothing
store, where The Lib emerged from the fitting room - stark naked.
Accompanied by his minion "The Turd", the duo disappeared into the
dressing room, spending nearly an hour making "strange" noises.
The 35-year-old WNWA World Champion shocked the saleswoman in the
shop, who made an attempt to cover him up, but was faced with a litany
of abuse.
The shop assistant told the Braddock Times: "I was blown away. The
Lib's private parts were right in front of me!"
"I grabbed a dress to cover him and he screamed, 'Get away from me!
Don't you f***ing come near me!'" says the employee.
"Then he disappeared in the dressing room with "The Turd" for 45
minutes. They were making weird noises. It was disgusting."
When the Lib and the Turd finally emerged, the Lib mumbled something
unintelligible.
"I couldn't understand a word he was saying. He was slurring and
spitting, and talking with a British accent," says the employee.
"His face was covered with cold sores and acne, and his scalp was
patchy. I wanted to help him, but he was so mean that I left him
alone. Then he muttered, 'F**k you!' and left the store."
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wrestler charged with drunk driving, crashing into yard of "hovel"
BRADDOCK, TX -- A Braddock man accused of drunkenly driving into a yard was found after sheriff's deputies followed a smelly trail of feces footprints. Police said 42-year-old Jonathan Oliver Blair III drove his Chocolate Brown Prius on the wrong side of the road Wednesday and crashed into the yard of Billy Overman, the owner of 'DVD's "R" Us'.
Apparently, Blair stepped out of the vehicle, then stumbled to the bushes. Once there he vomited and defecated. When police arrived, they found crushed bushes, a damaged fence, an inoperable car - and a fresh shoe print in a pile of steaming feces. Following an odoriferous trail down the street, Braddock Deputy Dale Fraley noticed at first what looked to be a "giant Turd" in the ditch. Upon closer inspection, it was a man in a Turd costume who was passed-out. The officer noticed the smell of alcholic vomit covering the costume and the evidence of poop all over his shoes. Jonathan Oliver Blair III was charged with driving while impaired and property damage.
Apparently, Blair stepped out of the vehicle, then stumbled to the bushes. Once there he vomited and defecated. When police arrived, they found crushed bushes, a damaged fence, an inoperable car - and a fresh shoe print in a pile of steaming feces. Following an odoriferous trail down the street, Braddock Deputy Dale Fraley noticed at first what looked to be a "giant Turd" in the ditch. Upon closer inspection, it was a man in a Turd costume who was passed-out. The officer noticed the smell of alcholic vomit covering the costume and the evidence of poop all over his shoes. Jonathan Oliver Blair III was charged with driving while impaired and property damage.
"Preacher" Arrested
LAREDO, TX (AP) - A man claiming to be a Peoples Temple Bishop from Braddock, Texas was arrested Friday at the Mexican border with Laredo after he was caught carrying 7.7 pounds of cocaine under his robes, a spokesman for Border Patrol police said.
The suspect, whose identity was being traced, initially refused to undergo a routine body check "fo' religis reezuns," the unidentified man said. Spokesman for the border patrol, Roberto Martinez said the man, an elderly African-American was then spotted lining up at a different entrance gate. He was searched and the drugs were found in packages taped to his body. "We've seen a lot of things, baseballs filled with cocaine, wine bottles, plaster casts, but this is a first," Martinez said.
He said the man, who was traveling from Mexico, continued to insist he is a Bishop and did not confess any wrongdoing, arguing his rights had been violated by the search. Martinez said that was bunk."If you want to enter the United States you have to pass a security check, you have to cooperate and you can't refuse a body search," he said. "He'll be brought before Judge William J. Jennings today. I bet the suspect will regret entering the US with all those drugs. Only the most crooked of Judges would let this so-called preacher loose."
The suspect, whose identity was being traced, initially refused to undergo a routine body check "fo' religis reezuns," the unidentified man said. Spokesman for the border patrol, Roberto Martinez said the man, an elderly African-American was then spotted lining up at a different entrance gate. He was searched and the drugs were found in packages taped to his body. "We've seen a lot of things, baseballs filled with cocaine, wine bottles, plaster casts, but this is a first," Martinez said.
He said the man, who was traveling from Mexico, continued to insist he is a Bishop and did not confess any wrongdoing, arguing his rights had been violated by the search. Martinez said that was bunk."If you want to enter the United States you have to pass a security check, you have to cooperate and you can't refuse a body search," he said. "He'll be brought before Judge William J. Jennings today. I bet the suspect will regret entering the US with all those drugs. Only the most crooked of Judges would let this so-called preacher loose."
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Man Arrested in Pudding Purge
Braddock, TX — A sidekick of WNWA personality and Champion The Liberal Librarian" (Joseph Paynter) turned himself in to authorities after a shopping center security guard reported seeing him naked in his Prius, performing a lewd act, police said.
But Jonathan Oliver Blair's spokeman insisted Friday that his client spilled chocolate pudding on himself and was just changing the lower portion of his "Toid" costume Thursday night. The guard told Blair to put his costume back on and get out of the truck, police said. After dressing, Blair started his truck and drove over a sidewalk, nearly hitting the guard, then drove off, police said. The guard told police that he recognized Blair as a personality on the popular and controversial television show WNWA Wrestling on OIL TV. Blair wrestles as "The Turd". The guard also told police that Blair was performing an unspecified lewd act.
Blair's spokesman, Tony Fanuci, said it was "soytenly all a misunderstanding." "Da Toid was simply a man who dumped choclate puddin all ova his ass inadvertently and was thus changing his Toid outfit. Da Toid was doing nothing wrong at all and he tawt he had sufficient privacy to remove all the precious pudding," Fanuci said.
Police said they were investigating whether to charge Blair, 42.
But Jonathan Oliver Blair's spokeman insisted Friday that his client spilled chocolate pudding on himself and was just changing the lower portion of his "Toid" costume Thursday night. The guard told Blair to put his costume back on and get out of the truck, police said. After dressing, Blair started his truck and drove over a sidewalk, nearly hitting the guard, then drove off, police said. The guard told police that he recognized Blair as a personality on the popular and controversial television show WNWA Wrestling on OIL TV. Blair wrestles as "The Turd". The guard also told police that Blair was performing an unspecified lewd act.
Blair's spokesman, Tony Fanuci, said it was "soytenly all a misunderstanding." "Da Toid was simply a man who dumped choclate puddin all ova his ass inadvertently and was thus changing his Toid outfit. Da Toid was doing nothing wrong at all and he tawt he had sufficient privacy to remove all the precious pudding," Fanuci said.
Police said they were investigating whether to charge Blair, 42.
Da Crunk's new single
Down on Da Flo' Ho
Girlfriend I Been Sittin By The Telephone
Waitin For You To Bring Yo big Ass Home
I Know You Been Cheatin On Me
someone else has been in dat pussy
but wut is I to do, If you is wite it be aight.
Babygirl I Guess It Cant Stop, Wont Stop
How You Gonna Pick Up
What The Hell U Thinkin Bout
Aint Gonna Take Yo Shit
How U Gonna go When we Know you a down on da flo' ho.
Got My Boys Clownin Me
Talkin Bout yo pussy
Out Freakin In da hood
gibing eberybody wood
But You Said You Were In Love
When I had my way wit you behind da dumpsta at da Club
Babygirl I Guess It Cant Stop, Wont Stop
How You Gonna Pick Up
What The Hell U Thinkin Bout
Aint Gonna Take Yo Shit
How U Gonna go When we Know you a down on da flo' ho.
Babygirl I Guess It Cant Stop, Wont Stop
How You Gonna Pick Up
What The Hell U Thinkin Bout
Aint Gonna Take Yo Shit
How U Gonna go When we Know you a down on da flo' ho.
Girlfriend I Been Sittin By The Telephone
Waitin For You To Bring Yo big Ass Home
I Know You Been Cheatin On Me
someone else has been in dat pussy
but wut is I to do, If you is wite it be aight.
Babygirl I Guess It Cant Stop, Wont Stop
How You Gonna Pick Up
What The Hell U Thinkin Bout
Aint Gonna Take Yo Shit
How U Gonna go When we Know you a down on da flo' ho.
Got My Boys Clownin Me
Talkin Bout yo pussy
Out Freakin In da hood
gibing eberybody wood
But You Said You Were In Love
When I had my way wit you behind da dumpsta at da Club
Babygirl I Guess It Cant Stop, Wont Stop
How You Gonna Pick Up
What The Hell U Thinkin Bout
Aint Gonna Take Yo Shit
How U Gonna go When we Know you a down on da flo' ho.
Babygirl I Guess It Cant Stop, Wont Stop
How You Gonna Pick Up
What The Hell U Thinkin Bout
Aint Gonna Take Yo Shit
How U Gonna go When we Know you a down on da flo' ho.
Op-Ed Piece from The Solie Star
The last couple of times I've been to the Braddock County Public Library, I had to pass a security guard on my way out. He was checking bags -- a response to some recent thefts, one of the sad-sack employees said.
I didn't comprehend the extent of the problem until today, when The Braddock Times reported that dozens of DVDs have been stolen in the past few weeks. The thieves take them into restrooms and remove the plastic cases, then slip them into bags and away they go.
One patron (or as they call them, the customer- why, they are't buying they are stealing) wrote a letter to The Times complaining about the searches. I'd save my anger for the real source of the problem -- the culprits ripping off library materials. What disgusting behavior.
The library is slowly building up its collection of DVDs, which aren't cheap. It can't afford to lose dozens to thieves. That costs taxpayers money, and it depletes the selection available to customers.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience and annoyance caused if your bag is searched. If that's a huge problem for you, don't carry a bag into the library. I don't, and the guard just waves me by.
In days gone by, the idea of even needing security guards at a library would have been preposterous. But maybe not as absurd as stealing from the library. I mean, you can
borrow what you want from the library. Why would anyone steal?
When asked his thoughts on the issue, Reference Librarian Joseph Paynter (aka The Liberal Librarian) said, "look dude, if you don't like the searched don't come here brother. We don't give a rat's ass what you do, brother. I don't care if they steal, those administration ass clowns have no clue anyway, jack. The DVDs are cheap anyway, dude. I hope they keep getting stolen so the administrators have to keep singing the blues." Paynter is technically not an employee of the library, he is here on a research grant.
I didn't comprehend the extent of the problem until today, when The Braddock Times reported that dozens of DVDs have been stolen in the past few weeks. The thieves take them into restrooms and remove the plastic cases, then slip them into bags and away they go.
One patron (or as they call them, the customer- why, they are't buying they are stealing) wrote a letter to The Times complaining about the searches. I'd save my anger for the real source of the problem -- the culprits ripping off library materials. What disgusting behavior.
The library is slowly building up its collection of DVDs, which aren't cheap. It can't afford to lose dozens to thieves. That costs taxpayers money, and it depletes the selection available to customers.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience and annoyance caused if your bag is searched. If that's a huge problem for you, don't carry a bag into the library. I don't, and the guard just waves me by.
In days gone by, the idea of even needing security guards at a library would have been preposterous. But maybe not as absurd as stealing from the library. I mean, you can
borrow what you want from the library. Why would anyone steal?
When asked his thoughts on the issue, Reference Librarian Joseph Paynter (aka The Liberal Librarian) said, "look dude, if you don't like the searched don't come here brother. We don't give a rat's ass what you do, brother. I don't care if they steal, those administration ass clowns have no clue anyway, jack. The DVDs are cheap anyway, dude. I hope they keep getting stolen so the administrators have to keep singing the blues." Paynter is technically not an employee of the library, he is here on a research grant.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Local Man Arrested, then Released
Tony "Love Muffin" Fanuci gets turned on by women with big feet and Utz snacks and really likes to expose himself in public.
Unfortunately, the 41-year-old Braddock man's sexual deviancy has led to him "pleasuring" himself while at the Tom Thumb grocery store. Fanuci was sentenced Friday to 90 days in jail, and put on probation for two years after earlier pleading guilty to four counts of unlawful contact with a minor and one count of criminal use of a communication facility — using a computer to have sexually explicit conversations with what he believed were young girls.
"Fanuci is a sex offender. That is what he is," said prosecutor Kimberly Codpus. "These are sexual offenses done inpublic; voyeurism, exhibitionism …" The court heard Fanuci was observed near Utz potato chips and pretzels on display at the Tom Thumb supermarket on December 22. Shortly after that, Fanuci had dropped his sweat shorts to his ankles and was spotted masturbating while sitting with his legs dangling over the potato chips in the snacks section. Security eventually detained Fanuci until police showed up and a clean-up crew had to wash down the snacks.
According to psychiatrist Dr. Larry Wilkes, Fanuci says he is "sexuallyattracted" to the Utz girl because "she reminds me of Amelia. "Wilkes said Fanuci reported he also gets aroused by dumpsters, and blames the store owners for buying the dumpsters because it tempts him to "pleasure" himself.
He also admitted climbing onto the roof of a drive-in pornographic theater, taking off his clothes and masturbating on June 12. A witness said Fanuci was looking towards white female students of a nearby high school at the time, but Fanuci denied seeing or being motivated "by dem goyles". BCPL Children's Librarian Noah Retro said that Fanuci is a "sick individual, how else can you explain his attraction to little girls?!"
In a psychiatric assessment of Fanuci, Wilkes said he told him he has a sexual preoccupation with women with big feet, has bought porn magazines about feet and once paid a prostitute $50 for a sexual service involving her feet. He also revealed a "sexual captivation" with the cartoon logo for Utz snacks, a young girl eating chips.
Fanuci, who was born in Philadelphia lives at the BrownView Apartments and is a manservant for Jonathan Oliver Blair III and Joseph Paul Paynter .
Fanuci's sentence was however reduced the next day by Judge William J. Jennings to "time served."
Unfortunately, the 41-year-old Braddock man's sexual deviancy has led to him "pleasuring" himself while at the Tom Thumb grocery store. Fanuci was sentenced Friday to 90 days in jail, and put on probation for two years after earlier pleading guilty to four counts of unlawful contact with a minor and one count of criminal use of a communication facility — using a computer to have sexually explicit conversations with what he believed were young girls.
"Fanuci is a sex offender. That is what he is," said prosecutor Kimberly Codpus. "These are sexual offenses done inpublic; voyeurism, exhibitionism …" The court heard Fanuci was observed near Utz potato chips and pretzels on display at the Tom Thumb supermarket on December 22. Shortly after that, Fanuci had dropped his sweat shorts to his ankles and was spotted masturbating while sitting with his legs dangling over the potato chips in the snacks section. Security eventually detained Fanuci until police showed up and a clean-up crew had to wash down the snacks.
According to psychiatrist Dr. Larry Wilkes, Fanuci says he is "sexuallyattracted" to the Utz girl because "she reminds me of Amelia. "Wilkes said Fanuci reported he also gets aroused by dumpsters, and blames the store owners for buying the dumpsters because it tempts him to "pleasure" himself.
He also admitted climbing onto the roof of a drive-in pornographic theater, taking off his clothes and masturbating on June 12. A witness said Fanuci was looking towards white female students of a nearby high school at the time, but Fanuci denied seeing or being motivated "by dem goyles". BCPL Children's Librarian Noah Retro said that Fanuci is a "sick individual, how else can you explain his attraction to little girls?!"
In a psychiatric assessment of Fanuci, Wilkes said he told him he has a sexual preoccupation with women with big feet, has bought porn magazines about feet and once paid a prostitute $50 for a sexual service involving her feet. He also revealed a "sexual captivation" with the cartoon logo for Utz snacks, a young girl eating chips.
Fanuci, who was born in Philadelphia lives at the BrownView Apartments and is a manservant for Jonathan Oliver Blair III and Joseph Paul Paynter .
Fanuci's sentence was however reduced the next day by Judge William J. Jennings to "time served."
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