WNWA Rumors 7/24/07

WNWA Rumors: "Unofficial e-News for Fans of the WNWA"
David Downs was spotted at the Braddock Waffle House early this morning wearing the UN/ACLU Championship belt, which Ass Butte had refused and tossed into the crowd at UnCivil War. It seems that during the chaotic aftermath of the bout, Downs had snagged the belt and taken it home. He then painted the words "Americans With Disabillities Act" onto the belt, which now reads: UN/ACLU International Human Rights and World Peace, Americans with Disabilities Act Heavyweight Wrestling Champion. After breakfast, Downs approached the Braddock Library, where he was accosted in the parking lot by the Liberal Librarian, who laid him out with a cut-and-run, and made off with the belt. Downs was heard crying and yelling "my belt! My belt!"
*******
Yeti and Dale Taylor spent most of Sunday at the Evil Ink Tattoo Parlor in south Braddock, where a drunken Yeti was given their famous "Coverall MultiTats Deal." Yeti had 70% of his body tattooed with various symbols and slogans, including but not limited to:
*A Peterbilt logo
*A "You Wear Your X, I'll Wear Mine" Confederate Flag across his back
*A Jack Daniels logo
*A NASCAR logo
*The words "better dead than red"
*A Jesus Fish
*A depiction of Uncle Sam, with the words "Proud American" underneath
*YETI written across his fingers, Ozzy-style
*Several snakes, skulls, daggers, flowers, and hearts
*A picture of the Road Runner and Wylie Coyote
*A picture of Barney the purple dinosaur with a heart around it.
We are not sure what other 'tats the Yeti may have obtained. These are all that were visible as he rode around Braddock shirtless and drunk, in the back of Taylor's pickup, eating pork rinds and littering the highways with bottles he'd pulled out of the library recycling bin.

*******
Truman Marlin announces that he has obtained DNA test kits for any black wrestlers wishing to test whether they are related to Thomas Jefferson. To submit a sample, go by Powerhouse Gym in downtown Braddock.