Braddock, TX
A fast-food cook and Dallas Cowboys fan has been accused of shitting on a hamburger ordered by a man wearing Pittsburgh Steelers attire.
Braddock County sheriff's deputies say the 41-year-old customer, Tony Fanuci, was with a pet monkey at the Braddock-area eatery last Saturday. He reportedly traded remarks with an employee about Super Bowl XIII in which the Cowboys lost in controversial fashion to the Steelers.
When the customer opened his food container, he says there was shit on the burger. He demanded a refund and called the fast-foot outlet's district manager.
The manager told deputies a 24-year-old man might be responsible. The next day, deputies went to his house and smelled marijuana. The man was released after being booked for investigation of fourth-degree assault and possession of marijuana.
Fanuci said that he would like to get his hands on the cook: "Oh, a wise guy eh? Why I oughta...How dare that bastid take a dump on my boiga. I can't help that he couldn't take it when I gave his ass da bidness because my beloved Pissboigh Steelas beat his team, the noive of that guy!!"
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Man sues American Airlines
Braddock County, Texas
Tony Fanuci, 41, filed a $200,000 lawsuit Monday against Dallas based American Airlines, alleging that a passenger masturbated in the seat next to him and then ejaculated on his hair.
Fanuci was on his way to visit his master, The Liberal Librarian, who is campaigning for Senator Hillary Clinton in Pennsylvania, The Braddock Times reports. The suit claims Fanuci was sitting in an empty row when the plane took off, and then fell asleep. When he woke up, he says he found a substance in his hair and a man masturbating in the seat next to him. Fanuci claims that when he asked the flight attendants for help, and requested the man be removed and taken back to his assigned seat, the staff did nothing.
"They just laught at my ass! It was very humiliating," Fanuci said. American Airlines officials maintain that appropriate action was taken and the man was arrested when the plane landed.
Judge Jennings, of the 5th Circuit Superior Court, threw this case out on a technicality that Fanuci is legally a slave and his testimony is therefore inadmissable in court.
Tony Fanuci, 41, filed a $200,000 lawsuit Monday against Dallas based American Airlines, alleging that a passenger masturbated in the seat next to him and then ejaculated on his hair.
Fanuci was on his way to visit his master, The Liberal Librarian, who is campaigning for Senator Hillary Clinton in Pennsylvania, The Braddock Times reports. The suit claims Fanuci was sitting in an empty row when the plane took off, and then fell asleep. When he woke up, he says he found a substance in his hair and a man masturbating in the seat next to him. Fanuci claims that when he asked the flight attendants for help, and requested the man be removed and taken back to his assigned seat, the staff did nothing.
"They just laught at my ass! It was very humiliating," Fanuci said. American Airlines officials maintain that appropriate action was taken and the man was arrested when the plane landed.
Judge Jennings, of the 5th Circuit Superior Court, threw this case out on a technicality that Fanuci is legally a slave and his testimony is therefore inadmissable in court.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Man's Car Destroyed After Trying to Beat Train
Wednesday, Mar. 12, 2008 6:07 am
Braddock, TX -
A man's car was destroyed after he tried to get throug hrailroad crossing arms that trapped his vehicle Tuesday night.
Joseph Paynter (the WNWA's The Liberal Librarian), 35, was driving on 2003 Kemellia Ave north of Braddock County Public Library when he tried to get through crossing barriers that were closing as a westbound train approached, according to Braddock Sheriff's deputies. But his specially built stretch Toyota Prius became trapped. Paynter escaped with minor injuries. But the train, which was traveling 5 mph, crashed into the Prius, totalling it.
Based on suspicion of DUI, deputies ordered a drug test of the heavily dazed and confused Paynter. The results of the drug test were, however, discarded based on a last second injunction filed by Superior Court Justice William J. Jennings.
Lawyers for Paynter threatened to sue Braddock County for damages to his Prius.
Braddock, TX -
A man's car was destroyed after he tried to get throug hrailroad crossing arms that trapped his vehicle Tuesday night.
Joseph Paynter (the WNWA's The Liberal Librarian), 35, was driving on 2003 Kemellia Ave north of Braddock County Public Library when he tried to get through crossing barriers that were closing as a westbound train approached, according to Braddock Sheriff's deputies. But his specially built stretch Toyota Prius became trapped. Paynter escaped with minor injuries. But the train, which was traveling 5 mph, crashed into the Prius, totalling it.
Based on suspicion of DUI, deputies ordered a drug test of the heavily dazed and confused Paynter. The results of the drug test were, however, discarded based on a last second injunction filed by Superior Court Justice William J. Jennings.
Lawyers for Paynter threatened to sue Braddock County for damages to his Prius.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
BCPL Staff News
Yet again, BCPL is forced to look for another staff member as computer assistant Andrea Queen quit to take a job in the Braddock County Sheriff's Office. Queen was quoted as saying, "If I'm going to be accosted by perverts and freaks I might as well be a part of law enforcement." If anyone is interested in working part-time in the BCPL Public Computing Center (yeah right), the position requires four-year degree in liberal arts (to be a lab assistant?!!?!); training and experience with Microsoft Office Products, other software, and online information sources; strong customer service background and ability to work flexible night and weekend schedules--all this for 13.13 an hour!!!! The position is available immediately.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Kelly Millis Steps Out
Marriage of BCPL Director Ends in Disgrace
Braddock, TX
Kelly Millis sits alone in his new apartment in downtown Braddock, a 55-year-old man facing the challenges of bachelorhood after 30 years of marriage.
The marriage of Millis and his bride ended in a bitter separation after Lilla Jane Kerner Millis found Millis and Children's Library Director Noah Retro watching some "disturbing videos" and engaging in "a strange ritual." She demanded that Millis leave their home and stay away from her and their children.
One employee at BCPL, a member of the Research Services Division and member of the Library Management Team, was quoted as saying, "I think he has been living a lie for 30 years. He is obviously acting out on his urges, and I think he should just come out. I know he's made my life miserable in the past year with his crude sexual overtures."
Millis would only comment on this "intrusion into his personal life" by saying that he would be "spending a lot more time at An Inconvenient Cafe."
Braddock, TX
Kelly Millis sits alone in his new apartment in downtown Braddock, a 55-year-old man facing the challenges of bachelorhood after 30 years of marriage.
The marriage of Millis and his bride ended in a bitter separation after Lilla Jane Kerner Millis found Millis and Children's Library Director Noah Retro watching some "disturbing videos" and engaging in "a strange ritual." She demanded that Millis leave their home and stay away from her and their children.
One employee at BCPL, a member of the Research Services Division and member of the Library Management Team, was quoted as saying, "I think he has been living a lie for 30 years. He is obviously acting out on his urges, and I think he should just come out. I know he's made my life miserable in the past year with his crude sexual overtures."
Millis would only comment on this "intrusion into his personal life" by saying that he would be "spending a lot more time at An Inconvenient Cafe."
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