The Burdens of Work

The Burdens of Work

BRADDOCK, TX—Taking a break from surfing the web, going out for multiple cups of coffee, and missing important work deadlines, employees at Braddock County Public Library complained once again Monday about being taken for granted.

"I come in almost every day, bust my hump for like four or five hours, and what do I get? Nothing," said Grimace Coleman, one of several chronic underachievers employed by the library. "You'd think management could show us a little appreciation now and again. It's not like I particularly enjoy just sitting around here all day."

Coleman then returned to her desk and began to eat that slab of coconut cake which she so greedily took from the staff room to prevent anyone else from enjoying it.

According to sources, the 52-year-old isn't the only incompetent slob who feels undervalued. Pam Fanuci, a cataloging librarian, notorious procrastinator, and all-around liability, said that she wished she got more respect around the office.

"Ehhhh....., a simple thank-you from the higher-ups would be nice, ehhhhh...." said Fanuci, who spends nearly 80 percent of her work week making personal calls from her desk. "Yesterdaaay I stayed 5 minutes late in order to finish up some work I've been putting off, and nobody even noticed. Ehhhhh....."

Added Fanuci, "Ehhhh..... I don't know how much longer I can keep killing myself like this, eeeehhh....."

In addition to receiving praise for their hard work, the inept and often neglectful staff members said they'd like to see a number of new incentives introduced. Among them, a larger and more comfortable break room where employees can go unwind, longer extensions on overdue projects, and the option of working from home on Fridays and possibly also Mondays.

"This place would fall apart without me," said routinely absent project coordinator Amy Hctib. "I'm the only one around here who actually knows how to use the popcorn maker, and I almost always remember to wash my mug in the sink after I'm done using it. Plus, I show up to meetings only like a minute or two late."

"Honestly now," Hctib continued. "They're lucky I just don't pack up my things and leave."

Despite feelings of frustration, employees at the library have yet to bring their misplaced concerns and unfounded complaints directly to management. Instead, many choose to air their grievances by making passive- aggressive comments beneath their breath, setting aside important assignments in favor of reading gossip columns, and sneaking out several times each week to grab a "much- deserved drink."

"Our Christmas party this year was the last straw for me," said Donna Shakes, whose early departures to attend a scrapbooking class have resulted in the library losing two separate grants. "Some crappy Secret Santa thing, a bowl of punch, and a box of Archway cookies and they call it a holiday bash? We're the heart and soul of this library, for Christ's sake."

While no one has come forward as of yet, management at Braddock County Public Library is reportedly aware of its employees' reticence to work and prepared to take action.

"We've already tried buying everyone some coffee and free generic brand cookies, but so far nothing's worked," Director Kelly Millis said. "I wish I could just fire the entire staff for being so incompetent, but between going on vacation and running around trying to find a second man-slave, I'm really only in the office a couple of days a year."