Talkin’ trash: WNWA wrestler reduces his environmental footprint by keeping his garbage for a year

For the past nine months (since Jan. 1), the lanky WNWA wrestler has been filling his basement with every single thing he would ordinarily recycle or toss into the trash.

For his scientific/social experiment Joseph Paynter (a.k.a., the Liberal Librarian) keeps a photographic tally of his human waste and publishes it on the internet. On July 26, for example, his waste stream included 7 fluid ounces of explosive diarrhea, 40 fluid ounces of urine, 1/2 ounce of semen and kleenex for good measure.

Yes, for one whole year, Paynter’s basement will hold everything: stacks of liberal newspapers (which he himself calls "fish wrap"), pornographic magazines, dozens of used prophylactics and plastic containers, and, of course, human waste—31 pounds thus far. Curiosity is one obvious reason for conducting the experiment, but the main reason boils down to his concern for the Earth.

“I realized I was fucking up, dude,” said Paynter, the WNWA World Heavyweight Champion and founder of a secular commune, Libtown, last week.

He recalled a conversation with a fellow wrestler, (known as the Turd) in which the two concluded how easy it was to throw things away, since away is out of sight. Both, while sniffing heavy amounts of Jenkem, wondered how their habits would change if they were confronted by those items each day. Paynter followed through on the idea. And since he considers recycling a crutch (because it requires energy and other resources), he decided to store his recyclables, too.

Paynter, an effusive speaker who had taken his shoes off, is quick to note that he hasn’t inflicted the experiment upon his minions at Libtown. With the exception of forcing his man-slave Tony Fanuci to personally pick up all the waste and store it in the basement of Fanuci's slave shack, which by the way he shares with "the Turd".

During his speech at a press conference, the drugged-out, matted-haired environmentalist wrestler talked about how difficult it is for people to know the consequences of their actions--"like voting Republican or for the blue-gummed racist Uncle Tomboma, brother." "Consumers are far removed .... ahhhh....," he said before he dozed off.

Paynter, who eventually regained consciousness, mixed a lot of humor into an informative, yet admittedly unscientific portion of his presentation in which he talked about a number of “depressing” topics, mostly centered around "Uncle Tomboma", Republicans, and his "beloved's failed bid for the throne of the World."

Moving on, Paynter then pointed out that there are everyday solutions. Oddly, Paynter then started pulling items out of his ass. The press conference then abruptly ended.