BCPL Strives to Excel in Customer Service

Inundated with complaints and criticism by, as they call them "customers," Braddock County Public Library Management Team has instituted a call-to-arms to "save the library." The LMT which consists of Director Kelly Millis, Library Operations Manager Inez Mitchell, Library IS Specialist Joannie Saulright, Children's Librarian Noah Retro and Research Services Division Manager Luke Leftwich have devised a committee called G.A.S.P. in order to come up with desperate attempts to calm patrons during the never-beginning expansion project. Recently, two employees who were forced onto the committee were sent out for an all-day training session at some of Braddock's finest retail establishments: Tom Thumb, Whataburger, and the Apple Barn. The employees, speaking on condition of anonymity were shocked by what they learned: "We got to spend all day being trained in how to kiss these losers' asses by 16-year old part-time assistant managers who make more than we do. It was a totally humiliating experience." The other BCPL employee, a part-time Librarian I, said "I learned so much from these talented professionals. I just hope to be able to provide such good service at the library." Krissy Thompson, assistant manager at the Apple Barn said, "uh, I just showed them some basic stuff. I don't have any idea why this would be useful at a library, but they paid us a ton of money for us to show them how to deal with people. I thought those guys went to grad school for that, and what's up with their pay? I make more than that, and I just do it to buy clothes and music."

A recently retired member of Library Administration said that she can't believe the state of disrepair the Library has fallen into. "I've been gone for a couple of months and the place is in shambles. The staff is getting spied on by an overzealous madwoman, Kelly is coming up with just out-and-out insane plans, and the morale at the place has never been worse. And to top it off, they brought back Jabbajaw."

A senior member of the Circulation Division said, "this place sucks. If my sister didn't make sure I was taken care of financially there is no way I would stay here with that creepy Kelly and gang of gays and pedophiles." When told of the comments, Kelly Millis issued a terse "no comment" before charging into the office of Joannie Saulright and slamming the door.