Islam program at BCPL

Braddock, TX -- About 50 (more like 12) people showed up at the Braddock County Public Library this weekend to learn more about the history, traditions, and practices of Islam.

Braddock Community College professor Ahmed Bin Laden, who had the day off from his evening job at 7-11, gave the lecture. Organizers say it’s important that Americans understand the basics of the religion.

About 12 people packed into the outdoor smoking area adjacent to the library. “We feel like this is an important issue for our community, for the whole country to have a better understanding of, dude, especially since a Muslim is unfortunately going to be elected President, brother” said Joseph Paynter, Reference Librarian at Braddock County Public Library. “We read so much in the newspapers and hear in the media about Islam but most of us don't have basic understanding of the religion itself, brother. Though isn't it ironic, I would have nothing to do with Christianity, but I attend a meeting on this crap!"

Bin Laden said scholars and Islamic leaders have long denounced the terror attacks of 9-11 as acts of fanaticism. They point out that Islam is a religion of peace and that they would murder anyone who argues otherwise, not just Americans, Jews, or Republicans. Organizers say they plan on having more events like this in the near future, if only someone--other than jobless bums--showed up.

Braddock County Public Library Celebrates Black History Month

Library Resources

The African American Experience (accessible outside the library with username and password): "The widest-ranging and easiest-to-use online collection on African American life ever assembled, The African American Experience is the definitive electronic research tool for African American history and culture from one of the most respected publishers in the field."

Book Signing with local author and Civil Rights activist. Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe will be signing copies of his book Finding Spiritual Meaning Watching Hardcore Interacial Porn. Lowe will also speak about his belief that The Liberal Librarian is God and will lecture on his time as a foot soldier in the Civil Rights Movement. Lowe says, "I dit all my reserch at da Braduk Liberry on da campoota. In fak I hab ben reserching dis book ebery day at da library fo' da last 3 yers. I wached a lot of po'n. So I is an eckspert. I lak to think eberywon hoo hepd me. aspechally da lib, da crunk, shitifa, tyrone, eugene, retro and most epeshally kelly millis who hepd a lot wit my reserch and alloud me to print in colla fo free! Yoo cin get a copy ub dis bok wich includes a lot of fold out pickchas at da braduck liberry gif shop. or yoo kan git it at my chuch, Mount Holy Olive Peoples Temple of The Lib."

Black History Month Contest begins on January 22nd -- illustrate one of three poems by Black poets. For school age children. Last day for entries is February 15th at 6:00. Rules and prizes for the contest available in the Children's Room. See Children's Librarian Noah Retro for details.

Aunt Jemima Storyteller: Come hear Curtis Lowe's Aunt Jemima share her wonderful versions of traditional stories. Programs on Monday February 25th at 10:00 am, 4:00 pm and 7:00 pm in the BCPL Children’s Room. Each program is free and open to the public. For more information, call 214-883-3666.

BCPL Strives to Excel in Customer Service

Inundated with complaints and criticism by, as they call them "customers," Braddock County Public Library Management Team has instituted a call-to-arms to "save the library." The LMT which consists of Director Kelly Millis, Library Operations Manager Inez Mitchell, Library IS Specialist Joannie Saulright, Children's Librarian Noah Retro and Research Services Division Manager Luke Leftwich have devised a committee called G.A.S.P. in order to come up with desperate attempts to calm patrons during the never-beginning expansion project. Recently, two employees who were forced onto the committee were sent out for an all-day training session at some of Braddock's finest retail establishments: Tom Thumb, Whataburger, and the Apple Barn. The employees, speaking on condition of anonymity were shocked by what they learned: "We got to spend all day being trained in how to kiss these losers' asses by 16-year old part-time assistant managers who make more than we do. It was a totally humiliating experience." The other BCPL employee, a part-time Librarian I, said "I learned so much from these talented professionals. I just hope to be able to provide such good service at the library." Krissy Thompson, assistant manager at the Apple Barn said, "uh, I just showed them some basic stuff. I don't have any idea why this would be useful at a library, but they paid us a ton of money for us to show them how to deal with people. I thought those guys went to grad school for that, and what's up with their pay? I make more than that, and I just do it to buy clothes and music."

A recently retired member of Library Administration said that she can't believe the state of disrepair the Library has fallen into. "I've been gone for a couple of months and the place is in shambles. The staff is getting spied on by an overzealous madwoman, Kelly is coming up with just out-and-out insane plans, and the morale at the place has never been worse. And to top it off, they brought back Jabbajaw."

A senior member of the Circulation Division said, "this place sucks. If my sister didn't make sure I was taken care of financially there is no way I would stay here with that creepy Kelly and gang of gays and pedophiles." When told of the comments, Kelly Millis issued a terse "no comment" before charging into the office of Joannie Saulright and slamming the door.