Friday, December 21, 2007

Destroy America, Elect Hillary Now Gala Gets Nude Awakening

Juan Martinez
The Braddock Times Staff Writer
Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The 'Destroy America, Elect Hillary' fund-raiser rocked BCPL's An Inconvenient Cafe Tuesday when the edgy entertainment turned too sexy for Braddock County. The $500-a-plate gala has been known on the do-gooder circuit as one of the season's wildest, one that has featured belly dancers, a Brazilian carnival band and a donkey auction. However, this was not the main attraction. This event featured a naked, super-morbidly obese man named Tony Fanuci.

"It was a faux pas, and we'll learn from it," said event co-Chair Judge William J. Jennings. The jaws of some of the 30 supporters of the Hillary Clinton campaign dropped when a disgusting fat ass ended up nude on the dance floor during what was billed as performance art.

How did that happen? Inspired by a scene in the classic James Bond film Goldfinger, Tony Fanuci was supposed to get painted in gold by a Turd costumed male artist as the soundtrack of the film played. He got painted all right. But after he was wheeled by a forklift into the ballroom on a bed, covered with a sheet, he stood up - revealing nothing but gut. Fanuci wiggled under each stroke of the brush as the artist worked suggestively. "We don't know what happened because I couldn't get a straight answer from the artist," said Sandy Berger, a spokesman for Mrs. Clinton. "It was supposed to be a beautiful piece of performance art, and Fanuci was supposed to be partly painted by the time he came out. There must have been some confusion."

Although some not-so-open-minded patrons walked out, BCPL directoe Kelly Millis said he wasn't offended: "There were three little girls selling raffle tickets who sat there with their mouths agape, but adults should not have been offended. It was very tastefully done."

Hillary Clinton later commented: "We didn't mean to upset anyone. If we did, we regret it."

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

BCPL News

Staff Report

The Braddock Times

BCPL Library Operations Manager Inez Mitchell and retiring Operations Manager Liz Bien today announced the installation of video surveillance cameras at strategic locations throughout the library.

Mitchell and Bien said that the cameras are being installed due to a rash of DVD thefts, though some staff members speaking on condition of anonymity believe the cameras are being used to watch them. "We don't know what they are up to and what they can see, but we don't like it," said one employee. Another said, "Such is life at BCPL."

Some of the cameras have been installed at the employee entrance and outside of the bathrooms on the second and third floors of the library. Mitchell said she, director Kelly Millis, and IS manager Joannie Saulright would be able to view all activity in camera range on their computers. She also said that Children's Library manager Noah Retro would be able to monitor all activity in the children's restrooms.

Retro publishes children's book

Children's Library manager Noah Retro has published a new children's book entitled Why is the Snow Yellow? Answers to the Questions All Parents Should Know. The book is published by Pedo Press. Library director Kelly Millis said that "I am so proud of Noah's contribution to the literature on children's issues, especially the exploration of their sexual feelings in regards to adults they trust." This is Retro's second book, his first being the BCPL published Why Your Wee-Wee Grows Bigger When I Touch It: An Illustrated Guide to Sexual Maturity and Feelings.

Whitaker Gloats
Solie Public Library Collection Manager and former BCPL Texas Collection librarian Aaron Whitaker was asked for his opinions on the recent crackdowns on employee activities at BCPL: "It's pretty funny really. It's all my fault that those fools are being punished by Sissy Millis, fat ass Saulright, and the Nazi Inez Mitchell, yet I came out of the whole thing Scot-free. I wasn't punished at all, nothing went on my record, not a thing happened to me. I went out and got a better job where we aren't monitored on every move we make. We can play on social networking sites, hell, our library even has a Space. Too bad those suckers at BCPL are singing the blues now, but that's life and how you live it."

Whitaker also had some shocking news to report about BCPL director Millis. "I found out through some sources that Millis was going to leave BCPL years back and in order to keep him, former director Bill F. Dallas created the position of Research Services Division Manager, which is basically a redundant position. Shouldn't that position just manage all of the units within RSD and cut out the unit managers? If not, then what exactly is the purpose of that position?"

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Man Shot at High Pockets Pool Hall

By Russell Lorrie
The Braddock Times

A Braddock man is recovering at Ewing Memorial Hospital after being shot at High Pockets Pool Hall late last night.

Jonathan Oliver Blair III, who wrestles in the WNWA as The Turd, was shot in the shoulder after an altercation at the south Braddock pool hall. The assailant is unknown, though a Crimestopper call accused Antonio Davis of the shooting. Davis, however, was in custody for another crime and deputies have determined he was not involved.

Blair was at the bar section of the pool hall when a shot rang out, striking him in the neck area of his costume. One witness said "that Hershey Bar went down like a ton of bricks. He was bleeding and oozing shit or something out of his wound.

A spokesperson at Ewing Memorial said Blair nearly died from loss of blood, but doctors were able to save him. The spokesperson said Blair is expected to make a full recovery except that his costume's head will always tilt slightly to the left after this.

Man Accused of Breaking Into Collin Park Church, Calling Sex Hotline

By Allison Merritt

THE BRADDOCK TIMES
BRADDOCK, TX - A 29-year-old man who was accused of breaking into St. John's Presbyterian Church to use its phone to call a sex hotline was arraigned last night before Justice William Jennings. Antonio Davis, who has no permanent address, was arrested by Braddock County Sheriff's deputies yesterday afternoon when he was accused of breaking into St. John's Presbyterian Church on Marchetta Ave and using the church's phone to call a sex hotline number, Ugell said.

Pastor Franklin Kirby said Davis told deputies that he broke into the same church Friday for the same purpose and ran up an $837 phone bill.

Davis was charged with two-counts of burglary, felonies, and misdemeanors of possession of burglars tools and petty larceny. Justice Jennings was overheard saying "Why do these people waste my time on such petty charges?" In court, Jennings said "because of his two felony convictions in the past, Mr. Antonio Davis will be released and will return to court at 1:30 p.m. tomorrow to have the charges against him dropped."

Friday, December 14, 2007

Crazed Man Sentenced to 35 Years in Robbery-Slaying, Jennings Overturns Ruling

By Russell Lorrie

The Braddock Times

Braddock, TX -- A 27-year-old man with a history of mental problems was sentenced to 35 years in prison Tuesday for his role in the killing of a 52-year-old formerly homeless man last year.

State District Judge Beverly Smith sentenced Letravis Gorman in the slaying of Ted Holmes, 52, after hearing arguments. "The state asked for a life sentence," said prosecutor Elizabeth Tate. "The defense argued it was unfair, based on his mental issues, to send Gorman to prison. They were arguing common sense. I would have preferred leniency, but that wasn't my decision."

Ned A. Morehead, who argued on behalf of Gorman, contended that Holmes was the instigator of the crime. "I was really hoping the judge would acquit the retard (Gorman)" Morehead said. "In that regard, I was a little disappointed. But the state asked for life and they didn't get that. Police have said that Gorman approached Holmes on Sept. 10, 2006, as he carried a sack of groceries to his cardboard home set up behind the Braddock County Public Library. Gorman first demanded his frozen pizza and then decided he wanted Holmes's money. When Holmes told him he didn't have any money, he was forced at knifepoint into his box. Inside, Gorman shoved Holmes causing him to crash into a pyramid of glass jars filled with urine and ransacked his box, taking a comb and DVD's belonging to the library, deputies have said. Afterward, Gorman killed Holmes and left through the back hole of his box.

Deputies have said that Gorman stabbed him, cut his throat, strangled him and bound his feet when he wouldn't quit moving. Then Gorman pleasured himself several times over the corpse before leaving. Afterward, officials said, Gorman pawned some of the stolen items and dumped a backpack containing Holmes's identification and a bloody knife in a trash bin at the Braddock County Public Library. After the backpack was found, Braddock police notified Holmes's social workers. On Sept. 13, 2007, they went to Holmes's box, when no one answered the flap, a maintenance worker climbed inside the window hole and found his body. Police later arrested Gorman, who watched the investigation unfold from across the street in a "very excited, and aroused state."

Gorman's girlfriend, BCPL part-time reference librarian Karma McCarthy, 59, was charged with tampering with physical evidence in the case and received four years deferred adjudication probation in exchange for her testimony. Simpson said Karma burned the victim's underwear and pawned Braddock Library's stolen DVDs.

On Monday and Tuesday, Gorman's attorneys presented evidence to the judge. Morehead said that Gorman has a history of mental illness and that he is "mildly" mentally retarded (he has Down Syndrome) and suffers from emotional problems and sex addiction. He said his parents abandoned him shortly after his birth in Boise, ID, and he has been in and out of foster homes most of his life.

Morehead said Gorman was all "hopped up on jenkem" when Gorman wanted to steal Holmes's frozen pizza. "It was a stupid, vicious crime," Morehead said. Holmes was a former military man who had been homeless. Shortly before his death, he had begged for change at the Salvation Army shelter. "To rob someone for their frozen pizza? A man who had virtually nothing, except for a few jars of urine and some stolen DVDs from theBraddock County Public Library" Simpson said. "It defies logic, why someone would make such a choice."

The next day after the verdict was read, Federal Superior CourtJustice of the 5th Circuit, Judge William J. Jennings acquitted Gorman. Jennings argued that Gorman became mad because the pizza was cold, and therefore the homocide was justifiable. It should be noted that Gorman is part of Jennings' wrestling stable in the WNWA, however, Jennings says that had no bearing on his decision.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Mama Fanuci Arrested

A 68-year old Braddock woman is out of jail this morning after deputies arrested her Sunday for trying to enter Fun n Sun Water Park with a loaded handgun, knife and scissors.

Braddock County Jail records show that Francesca Fanuci, AKA Pam Fanuci, of 69 Vadge St., East Braddock, posted a $100 bail early this morning after deputies charged her with carrying a concealed weapon inside the theme park with her two boyfriends, Antonio Davis and Rev. Dr. Bishop Curtis Lowe.

Theme parks across Texas have taken strict, zero-tolerance security measures since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001."[Sunday's] arrest clearly demonstrates that the security measures are up and running and that they work," Braddock County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Corporal Suzanne Meares wrote in an agency press release.

Park officials found the weapon during a routine safety check. Fanuci, head of technical services at Braddock County Public Library, told investigators that she traveled with the uzi automatic assault handgun and had forgotten she was carrying it. The gun was loaded with a banana clip in the magazine, but the chamber was empty. "I live alone where I'm at," Fanuci said in a television interview with KSUX. "Keeping the uzi available is important to me." Deputies said they also found a grenade and a switch-blade knife along with assorted sex toys in the woman's purse.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Suburban Sex Parties Draw Complaints

BRADDOCK, Texas - The most popular address on Kemellia Ave is Joe Paynter's split- level home, which has a group sex room and attracts as many as 100 people (mostly gay men) to swinger parties featuring "Naked Twister" and "Jenkem" nights.

But the festivities could soon be over. In response to neighbors' complaints, the city has outlawed sex clubs in residential areas. Citations have been issued, and search warrants may be next.

"It's crazy that they want to force their morality down our throats," said Jonathan Oliver Blair, III, 42, a regular guest at the parties who wears his trademark "Turd" costume. "We're all frustrated."

So are those who complain of the noise, traffic and parking problems that occur in their otherwise quiet, upscale neighborhood every Friday and Saturday, when Paynter's home is transformed into "The Jelly Pit."

Braddock, which proclaims itself "The Perfect Blend of Family, Community and Business," is an unlikely venue for a neighborhood swinger club. The city of 112,000 located northeast of Dallas has about 50 places of worship and only one registered sexually oriented business (Payntor's own An Inconvenient Cafe which is now housed in the Braddock County Public Library). Braddock officials insist they are not just another prudish Texas town giving the boot to horny gaymen and registered perverts. They say it all boils down to a matter of law: Paynter is operating a business featuring live sex acts. "It's not trying to judge anyone or pass judgment on someone's lifestyle," city spokeswoman Katie Cash said.

To support its claim, the city notes that the Jelly Pit accepts money from guests and promotes the parties on its Web site. "We're not about infringing on the rights of the Jelly Pit patrons or owners," Cash said. "But now your right to have fun has infringed on everyone else's. And now you have to draw the line."

Retiree Juan Martinez, who lives a block behind Payntor's home, said he's concerned that the parties will reduce the value of his property. Others are annoyed by the procession of cars that crowd their street on weekend evenings, or the flood of strangers who descend on the neighborhood who often leave used condoms and used syringes in their yards and front porches.

"If you're going to do that, you should open a business," Martinez said. "Go somewhere where it's allowed, like east Braddock where the blacks live." Attorney for Paynter, (Judge) William J. Jennings says the Jelly Pit is nothing more than a private residence where a group of friends get together on weekends to socialize in whatever way they prefer.

While guests are encouraged to make "voluntary donations" to cover the cost of food and refreshments, organizers deny that anyone is being charged admission to his parties. Rev. Dr. Curtis Eldorado Lowe, a regular patron of the Jelly Pit on "White Ho' Nights", said "da gests gib no munee', but doz hoo do gib tin or twinty dollas'."

Paynter said he plans to file a lawsuit next week that will challenge the constitutionality of the ordinance and seek a temporary retraining order against the city. "I think it's persecution and an invasion of our privacy," Paynter said. Paynter further argued, "Just because we have orgies on our front lawns and occasionally in neighbor's yards or their swimming pools, does not give these fascists the legal authority to infringe upon our constitutional right to fornicate!!"

Anthony Erricsun, a Braddock Law School professor who studies sexuality law, said the size of the parties might be a legal obstacle. "It seems to me when you have that number of people involved, it becomes more like a public event," Erricsun said. "It seems unlikely that a court would find privacy protection for an event this large."

The city has already cited Paynter with 57 violations, which carry a combined maximum $50 fine. Braddock City Manager Kent Cagle this week pledged to continue enforcing the new law. The case against the swinger parties "does appeal to a lot of people's sense of morality," said Cash, the city spokeswoman. "That's been a lot of complaints we've gotten from residents: 'I came to Braddock to have a family. I didn't come here to live next to a sex club."

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Breaking News

An Inconvenient Cafe Reopens at BCPL

Russell Lorrie
The Braddock Times

BCPL Director Kelly Millis tonight announced that An Inconvenient Cafe and GLBT Lingerie Bar will now be housed in the former adult non-ficition section of the library.

Millis said that "we have been looking at a way to rid ourselves of the non-fiction section for some time. Most of our customers don't read non-fiction. Non-fiction is for educated people and is more academic. Our library focuses more on throw away fiction and computer use for our customers. We have also been looking to add a cafe to our library, so I feel that this cafe run by Judge Jennings and our own Liberal Librarian was a no brainer. I am just peachy keen, pleased as punch to have my favorite restaurant and entertainment spot in our library."

Children's librarian Noah Retro was elated at the news and hopes to hold children's story times in the bar area of the cafe.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Attempted murderer still at large after prison escape

Attempted murderer still at large after prison escape

Braddock, TX (AP) - State police say a convicted attempted murderer is still at large this morning after he escaped from a light-security prison in Braddock.

Authorities say 33-year-old Tyrone Jefferson of Braddock was discovered missing Saturday afternoon when guards did a routine count at the Braddock County Prison Farm. The prison is located in a rural area of the county.

Prison officials say surveillance tape shows Jefferson, who recently joined the Aryan Brotherhood and demands to be called Tyrone Jefferson Davis, hid in a garbage can and escaped when it was hauled away from the prison.

Jefferson was sentenced to 20 years to life in prison in August for attempted murder on Judge William J. Jennings during a WNWA wrestling event. He was originally confined to a maximum security federal prison in Leavenworth, KS. He was moved to the prison farm in October.

Jefferson is described as an African-American man, about 6-foot and 245 pounds.

Braddock resident Rev. Dr. Curtis Lowe said that he "ain't afraid of Tyrone. Tyrone a fool! Dey used his asshole for a pussy in prison." Lowe did say, however, that he has suffered from nightsweats and insomnia since he heard of Jefferson's escape.